Hi my lovely British mates...!
Still here, still having a lovely time, still wishing you were here....
This getting what you want lark always seems to be tinged with sadness somehow.... I got what I wanted which was please just one more time here with my family and the most beautiful countryside in the world (in my eyes) and I am relishing every tiny little bit of it but then that phrase ‘just one more time’ comes in and I get that sadness that this is all too perfect and beautiful and there is a small chance that this could be the last time and it breaks my heart. I know it is a slim chance but it is too good to be true so it is a chance all the same and knowing when you get back you have scans and examinations and they will confirm the chance being very slim or very huge.... and I can be as positive as I want and say it is only a slim chance but the chance of me getting anal cancer was 1000 times slimmer than the chance of me not coming back here again and that happened... and in those moments when you are breathless with the joy and beauty of it all, it almost hurts. Anyway, enough of that.... (and of course I will come again cos I am Little My and I am invincible ha ha)
In the meantime, I am being bolshy and obstinate and bl**dy minded as far as this cancer business is concerned and doing what I want to do (almost) and sod the consequences... which mostly involves me not being able to breathe and move by the end of it...so here is what I have been up to....
The sun came out so we swam in the sea (warm enough to breathe and swim at the same time- hoorah!) for ages and got the Frisbee out and played silly games which make me giggle so much I can’t breathe from laughing. Once I could no longer breathe due to being knackered, I got out and laid down on the hot smooth rocks and listened to the sea and the fun and laughter...and got my breath back... though it is so beautiful it takes my breath away as soon as arrives...
We went to an art gallery that is on an island and juts out into the water to see an exhibition of an Expressionist artist called Nolde. Never heard of him before but I like his style and attitude to life -the Nazis banned him painting so he switched to watercolours (no smell) and painted 1300 small paintings (easy to hide) in his cellar (couldn’t be seen). My kind of bloke! The gallery is in a place that takes your breath away with its beauty and we ate lunch looking at the view. They have a church there that has 2 windows on the tower that look like eyes so they have painted a big smiley face on the tower- brilliant- a church with a sense of humour!
Swam in the sea again cold and tired breathless...then went shopping. Why is walking round the shops so much hard work? Out of breath again.. cheap excuse to sit down and have coffee and danish pastries ( I think my bathroom scales will say “Who are you? Big My?” When I get home... discovered food again and my aunt (mum) is the best cook going so had so much good food that baggy is not getting much of a holiday ha ha Oh dear....
Brother and I have played making up folk songs (rude ones, well you know the ones that sound as if they are going to be rude.. i.e. one about chickens that one line ends with cluck and then .... fff... five o clock.... etc) to be sung at the dinner table; we devised the cancer cards (please hop over and see “for those with a warped....” forum thread page 17 for my new business venture :o) if you want a bit of a giggle) and we have done so many silly things that some I can’t mention on here for fear of being banned and last night I really couldn’t breathe for laughing so much.... we also played the silliest board games. (I won 3 out of the 4 games and I didn’t even cheat- impressed?) Phone P and he misses me –hooray!... What? Doesn’t he usually? I hear you say... well yes, he sort of does but we also enjoy the time away too normally but he is now being so sweet and worried and missing me and telling me I love you etc which after 21 years together, it has taken cancer to remind us of that fact which I am grateful to the little B*gger for, annoying as he is... (the cancer that is, not P!)
Vodka, meatballs and loo break... sauna optional extra....
deep breath..... and lets go.....
Went to the city today to look around and brother and girlfriend went to the theme park there. I declined to go in the end which made me cross. It costs a fortune and you have to have a lot of stamina to run round it to get your money’s worth and I can’t run round it however bl**dy minded I get and I am a bit nervous about what might happen to various bits of me (and baggy) being tipped upside down, fired out/up/down at 60 miles an hour etc... so saving that for next time... can’t have too much fun anyway can I? So ‘mum’ and son and I hit the shops instead. I saw a jacket that made me breathless with its snugly warmth and beauty.... It cost more than I will admit on here and is bright orange! I ummed and ahhed and aunt (mum) did her, "well its good for the soul, and what’s money when you can wear orange and feel warm and smile every time you wear it?" plus she had given me some spending money.. So I am now the proud owner of a very expensive orange fleece type jacket... and it does make me smile when I look at it (I think it is probably nicer than it sounds)
We had to walk quickly back to the car to meet my brother and girlfriend. I said I would be fine walking quickly back (cos as you know I am Little My and I am invincible) but after 10 mins of brisk walking, I start to get light headed and feel like I am going to faint, so have to admit defeat and sit down on the steps where I promptly burst into tears with fury/frustration whatever... I say its stupid. Aunt (mum) says no it not, its just a bit of ‘eye incontinence’ and perfectly understandable. I love her. Stop crying and get my breath back and walk to the car.... fondle my orange jacket and smile again...
Saw a bag I liked too... £450 hmmm anyone want to buy me a present?? Tried to get my brother to buy it for me, using the cancer card of I need shiny things... was getting somewhere with the offer of leaving it to the girlfriend in my will, but she wanted to wait for the scan results first to see if it was worth going into persuasion mode on brother... and then he pointed out that if I was getting better then he wasn't buying me anything and if I wasn’t going to be around for long then it was a waste of money.. or I could just put it on my own credit card as it would be free money then and couldn’t I get them stuff too in that case?, so a bit worried now that certain members of my family might be more interested in the state of my liver than normal and for all the wrong reasons...!!!
Speaking of livers, I have been drinking again G&T every eve, lager with lunch and dinner (I know!) so god knows what my liver scan will look like... could be embarrassing...
“ Little My, the liver mets are ok, but what have you been doing ?” says GC.
“I was raising a glass to you, handsome” says Little My... thought I would have a break from Rolos...
Tomorrow all the extended family are coming round for a bbq so a lot of ‘my don’t you look wells’ (though at least they will be saying it in Swedish-which at least makes a change I guess) and lots of you must be better now etc.. Ding ding, round 2.
Beautiful clear blue skies and hot sun so went for a swim as soon as I got my breath back from town even though I know I won’t be able to walk tomorrow and I don’t care and going to play my sofa card tonight and snuggle up on the sofa of doom with my new bright orange fleece on and smile...
Max ignored the cancer card and splashed me with water before I had got in...
Brother ignored the cancer card and nicked my steamer chair and told me to get my own gin...
Aunt/mum played the sofa card for me and tucked me up on the sofa of doom with a G&T and my fleece and a blanket (all good for the soul of course)
I love it!!!!!!
And I don’t want to come home because what I have waiting for me is scans and appointments and starting work and moving house all in the same 2 weeks and it is like a little bubble here away from everything and I love it and I don’t ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever want it to be the last time....
Little My x
Sauna, vodka and meatballs waiting for you tonight and you are allowed to play the cancer card and just warm up in the sauna and not be forced to jump into the cold sea after it (too kind I know....) Not much you can say to that lot I guess.... and you are probably breathless now too!! so a 'Hi' comment will be fine, just so I know you are ok.... big orange hugs all round....
