Well, that waiting for results game that sends us a bit bonkers is over… and the results are in:
Little My 2 Cancer 1 I am winning now and that feels good hahaaaa.
GC first thing this morning... drove there in the howling wind and rain and got there early. Got coffee and sat down, played guess the patient cos on bum day its hard to tell sometimes. There was an elderly couple and a woman with a stick opposite me. A lady’s name is called and they all stand up. I reckon it’s the woman with the stick, but its not, it’s the old lady who is running around fussing about everyone else and getting them tea etc! She did look really well haha.
I was first on the list so was sat waiting for bloods when my name was called. She then said Oh get your bloods first as you are next for them and then come in. Of course the blood lady then goes walkabout for ages and I start getting tetchy and nervous cos I know GC is waiting and I want to know what he has to say… Chat to the old lady who is now sat next to me saying this is her first time here and she’s brought her family with her. She says she is 80 and now got cancer…. I say whoo hoo for waiting that long. She laughs. She tells me she has a stoma and asks do I know what one of them is? Haha just had mine reversed says LM and have a bit of a chat before I get to go in and get stabbed by blood lady after about 5 mins of her prodding my arm feeling for something that might resemble a vein… . Good luck for results says blood lady and off I go.
I try and read the nurse’s faces getting weighed etc to see if they are smiley or sympathy and look at my notes to see if I can see anything, but nothing being given away… Oh and I’ve put on a kilo with all those full English breakfasts!! I am not skinny anymore I can tell you and would like to lose that kilo off again now…
Sit in room and wait for GC. I hear his new registrar woman talking outside and think oh no don’t want her, the only fun of coming here is seeing GC’s shiney face. Nurse pokes her head round and says Oh Gc’s gone to see someone else while waiting for you. He’ll be along soon. Yay, no Rolos wasted!
Tremble tremble quake quake and all the scary things start to be imagined…
Then in he bustles with his smiley face … he was really smiley and friendly today and shook my hand twice haha. He usually tells you the scan results as soon as he comes through to door to put you out of your misery and he didn't today so he sat down and started asking me all me all the usual questions about how I was and my bum and waterworks etc and I was thinking is he leading up kindly to...ah well, bad news or what? and then he says pop up on the couch so I thought oh sod this and asked him if the scans were ok? Was beginning to wonder if he had seen them or not! He said ooooh sorry I forgot I usually say when I come in but I just saw another lady who had results and got confused... yes they are ok. He then started on about Oh yes, we were tracking your nodule on your lung (wtf?????? no one has ever said anything to be before about having anything on my lung!!!!) and all those cysts on your liver...( which I did know about).. anyway he says they have not changed so he is thinking they might well just be 'stuff'' or part of me like you have freckles on the outside that are you and we have freckles on the inside too so he thinks these nodules and cysts might be ‘freckles on the inside' I rather like that idea of having freckles on the inside and doesn't sound so scary as nodules and lesions and cysts on your lungs and liver eh? But if they are not cancer then I don’t care what is there ha! And as long as they don’t change from where they are now, they can be what they like…
Lie on the couch, prod prod and he usually says ‘that feels good’ or ‘nice groin’ when prodding my lymphs- both of which make me snigger. It’s a that feels good day today haha. Roll over, here’s a cloth to preserve your dignity. Err, yeah right! That makes all the difference not. He was really kind this time and used his little finger to find his Rolos haha. Didn't have to bite the couch like normal... feels much better says GC.
Yup, for me too….
Anyway, lots of talk about poo as usual and he says’ I'll see you in 2 months’ and he's moving me to his other clinic as his other doc (FC) doesn't come in on a Friday and he's the other arse cancer specialist so he wants all the arse people (sorry anal people) to come on a Tuesday instead in case he is not there, then FC can see us instead.
'Better than someone else saying I'll have a look but not knowing what they are doing' says GC.
I'll say, says LM... and was thinking are there docs here who do that? hmmm don't want one of them...
So, a bit weird that I am down to 2 months again after 3 months for the last 2 visits ,and was expecting him to say 6 months… but not complaining really, as at least I am being looked after well and I get to see his shiny face a bit more often. I think he’s just a bit random, or at least I hope he is rather than there being a bigger reason for it.
School insurers need a letter from him saying I am fit to travel on our school trip so I ask him if he’ll write me one. Oooh of course you are fit to travel, stupid labels they put on people eh? He says.
I like him. Apart from being shiny faced and smiley and good at his job, he talks sense too.
So, Little My kicked cancer’s arse good and hard today and that makes me very happy. I do it for all of you too…
So after all the phone calls and texts to home and family and friends and a cup of coffee, I had no excuse not to go to school for a meeting which I did. The usual suspects were there… Sigh. My arch nemesis has got a job back here after stropping off years ago saying she goes or I go... she went after bullying me for years. She has been spoken to apparently, but still felt like crying but too good a day to spoil with crappiness so went for a swim which always stops my stressiness and remembered that GC good news outweighs all other bad news ever :)
My first ‘legal’ swim since my scab fell off and am allowed to swim now. GC said to me it was funny how the skin around my scar was lighter than the rest of my tummy. I just said hmmm yeah, maybe from last summer and the bag… didn’t dare tell him I had dried off in the sun after my swim the other week and got a bit of a tan on my belly except for where the dressing was of course haha.
I am very tired now after being on holiday with my son for a few days and driving home etc and the stress of waiting for results, cos however much you think you are not too scared and you think you will get good news, there is always that bit of you stressing that they would not be scanning you and seeing you every 2 months even after a year if there was not something to be watched out for… and statistically speaking… well, who cares now cos I kicked its crappy little arse into next week!
Off to look at kittens tomorrow. They are about 4 weeks old and at least one should be coming to stay with us soon hahahaaaa.
Thank you all for so many good wishes today, you really make me feel so loved and cared for that the scariness isn't half so bad. You are a special lot, even if you do all keep transmogrifying into other names and that.
I have been a bit careful to be anonymous in this one, so please don't say my son's name etc in your replies. I don't want to stop blogging or delete them all, but will edit the odd old one maybe....
Bernard St Bernard is trawling the blog with Champagne tonight. Help yourselves... :)
That will do for tonight. Big hugs to all my macfamily.
Little My xxx
ps for those of you that don't know, Hefty was what GC called my tumour... and I don't want to put titles like kicking cancer's ass as they will appear in google a lot and don't want that until admin get blogs hidden if we want them like that, which I hope they do.
