Well now I know, not the news I wanted but I can't change that so have decided on how to move forward. Since I have all the facts now and know this is not going to be a short run thing I have decided to do this blog bit correctly like Deb's and Andrew (wonderful people with a wicked sense of humour). This in my mind is now my day 1 and the dance and cance is deliberate...not typo error.
Spent all yesterday feeling sorry for myself, crying at the drop of a hat and bloody angry that the doc had not read the script I wanted. instead adlibbing from a pathology report. All I wanted was the night to come and this nightmare to go away. I tossed and turned till 3am and then got up went downstairs and made a drink, sat in the dark and started booing again, my mind was in overdrive going over all the possible outcomes of this (obviously worse cause scenario coming most often), how will I cope with the operation then the chemo, will my 3yr old be frightened of mummy when she has no hair, how the hell do I move forward from this......
Finally fell off to sleep about 6ish just as hubby was going to work, not a lot said but the looks spoke volumes and the squeeze of the arm let me know he was there. Decision time.....i could crawl back under the duvet and spend the next 12 days feeling crap about what lies ahead or I get up flip the bird at cance and get on with it.
I have decided that I am going to get my long hair (which I have painstakingly been growing for the last 10 years cut short so Im not too crushed when it drops out (I did check this out with the mac nurse and she said there is a very high chance of this happening), it will be like a makeover for me, the new me and also it will make it easier to manage (you girls know what I mean).
The sun is shining the washing is on, the weekend is nearly here and just to make it a little sweeter the clocks go back whoooo.
I cannot thank all of you wonderful people for all your kind words and support over the last few weeks and especially yesterday, my family has grown in a very short space of time and this cyber christmas is going to cost me an arm and a breast...lol (still a bit of humour there). Thank you all for being there and to Skipper for making me roar with laughter about the bell.
take care and have a wonderful day everyone.
love Terri xxx
