(*Warning this was my first day without Kev in three weeks, may seem so much less then it seems to me*)
So my mum and I are sitting in the waiting room yesterday waiting to see her chest consultant, her chest has been a bit bubbly since being put on and off the fentynl patches and changing medications around again. The clocks ticking and its time for her to take her oxynorm (been given the go ahead to give it to mum every two hours if pain is severe, today she last had it at 4am its now 12.30 and she hasn't had to have it.) so I get it out the medicine and give it to her. We have a conversation about the pain from the cancer and how she's handling it and does she think she's on the right right dosage and things like that. I then find out my little sister has been "playing" God with my mum! Apparently my mum has been having to beg crying to my sister to have her medicine when she's been in huge amounts of pain. So click goes my brain now i'm p****d. I smile and ask how long she's been doing this? ......... The past couple of months. Click click click goes my brain and I feel like I have the incredible hulk inside my heart and its just waiting to come out by now I can only imagine my eye twitching and the look of a murderer in my eye! I'd like to add this is just a another thing added to a string of things she has done with my mum and her cancer I have not agreed with. (we went round the shops not long after mum was diagnosed and everyone knew about it, when mum had her stoma we had ppl coming up to asking if she thought she had made the right decision? My aunt caught up with my eldest sister in the library in the high st and spoke in front of my niece who knew nothing about the cancer at the time about the spinal cancer mum had and how it has spread! Mum has bowel cancer it hasn't spread! There are people who throw me dirty looks in the street because apparently I do nothing to help............ Yet I do almost everything from washing floors to making sure mum eats sleeps and does her medication on time, at this point i'd like to add I spent time with Kev lately and I came back home to find the whole place dirty and dusty, holding her hand while she cries for my dad and for herself) did I say a string I'm sorry I meant a rope!
We go in and see the consultant Mums SATS aren't so good oxygen 89, blood pressure low and a bubbly chest. Going back in two weeks if not sooner to see how she is and discuss in more detail about having oxygen at home. We knew it was coming and I have been preparing myself so I'm not surprised and have prepared myself and to be honest with you I think she will be so much better with it.
So that bit covered what to do about my sister, there was only one thing I can do, by the time I get home I notice my hands are green and have changed shape bigger then normal............... I walk in calmly and close the windows and backdoor (see even in height of anger always thinking of others). In no uncertain terms I told my sister if she wants to play god come do it with me because I will be the biggest devil she will ever come across in her life time. I wont say what happened next but if I hadn't been quick I would have been hurt.
So I am now keeping a close eye on her and have threatened her with the social services for psycological damage to my mum. Four yrs in pain and she denies her pain killing medication I see that as psycological damage!
So now I am having to over see what my sister is doing constantly. I am petrified as in two weeks time I am going to Belfast for 10days with Kev, what am I going to come back too? What will happen? the last thing I want to do is get extra carers in. I can't do that to my mum she needs her dignity intact and so far I've managed that! So what can I say/do? As always I will suck it up take the extra work on the chin as always.
