Well we have started treatment. First radio wasnt so bad physically, not sure how i will be feeling after 6 weeks of this but we will see. Have first chemo tomorrow.Just feeling totally overwhelmed right now. The reality of it all is scary. Till now I guess I have protected my brain from really facing the reality of the situation. I know I have been worried and all that, but sitting there yesterday waiting for radio was very upsetting. Looking at some of the other patients who looked so sick, knowing that that may be me in a couple of weeks time. Definately a confronting day. Maybe I just hadnt really accepted or thought about the practicalities of how life is really going to be day to day for the next little bit. But wow.
Dont really know what I am trying to say. Guess I just need to ramble on like a mad woman for a bit to try and make myself feel a bit better, Guess the first week is the toughest and it will get easier soon. Ahhh who am I kidding. I keep saying it will get easier after we see consultant, it will get easier once we start treatment. THink I just have to accept that it is not going to be easy, but guess we just do it anyway.
It just still takes my breath away when I think that it wasnt that long ago that I was completely unaware of this world that is cancer. feeling invincible, dreaming of having a beautiful family with my beautiful husband, worrying about stupid insignificant things like whats for dinner, and paying the bills, and now look at my world. It is totally unrecognisable. How did things go so worng so quickly.
Anyway, guess thats enough crazy mutterings for now.
Take care
