As a relatively young woman with bladder cancer who do I talk to?

I feel completely low with my bladder cancer at the moment. Was diagnosed with a low grade and non-invasive tumour 4 years ago at age of 49. I was shocked as a non smoker and otherwise healthy. The cancer recurred twice very quickly and I received mytomycin which held it at bay for 3 years. At a recent cystoscopy I was told that it had returned - a real blow but I had very speedy TURBT and my consultant has told me that the cells brushed away easily but there is abnormality over my right ureter and I am going to need a uteroscopy. This means another general anaesthetic quite soon and a niggling worry. I remain cheerful and positive to all friends and work colleagues but feel that I have no 'cancer team' to talk to because it is a urological problem. I am back to my gym routine etc . . . But now feel vulnerable and not the confident woman I was. It is as if breast cancer is 'special' and understood and yet bladder cancer is met with a shrug. What I really struggle to deal with is the way that it has effected my marriage of many years. I feel so unfeminine because of constant cystoscopies etc. combined with the effects of the menopause I feel as if I am going mad! No one understands that I live under a 'little cloud' and my self esteem and sense of who I am is shattered. I am so, so lucky to be screened and have my cancer removed and I know that it could be so much worse but I feel that I want to forget it all and not go for my uteroscopy. The thought of another camera up my urethra is just too horrid. Last op I suffered a bleed after sex and I now feel just so unattractive. I know that this is probably nonsense but it is real to me. Any other women out there with advice?