Preparing to leave?

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

11 Oct 2009

Hi Guys,

thought it was time I dropped you all a line hehe...actually, it is more a case of needing to verbalise my many thoughts again before they take over what is left of my brain!!

The past few weeks have been a real struggle, coming to terms with ones own mortality is no mean feat. I have been up and down emotionally and on top of that have had to watch another close friend of mine slowly go downhill. Life really can be unfair sometimes...

I know that lately I have been behaving differently towards family and friends and I have thought about it a lot and come to a conclusion, which I think makes sense, at least in my mind.

Nesting...you know, ladies,when you are pregnant, you get that urge to flit around constantly primping and preparing your nest for that all important arrival? Its natural, its even done subconsciously without you realising. So if we do that when we are about to welcome new life...who is to say we don't behave in a similar way when we are "preparing to leave" this life?

I have noticed that I am slowly withdrawing more and more from "the real world". Its not something I realised I was doing until recently. I have lots of friends who keep texting me about visiting, they phone too, I just dont get back to them. I feel like I dont want to see anyone or speak to anyone, I dont want to upset them. I feel like it is my responsibility to extricate myself from thier lives, in the mistaken hope that my passing will be made somewhat easier for those I love if I distance myself from them now.

As much as I find myself wanting to speak or see my friends, I just cant do it and it is making for a very lonely life. The one thing I hate is being alone and yet I am forcing myself into the very situation I fear, whats that about?

I'm hoping that now I have realised I'm not doing myself or my friends any favours that I can somehow sort my head out and we can again enjoy each others company!

Thanks for listening guys!

Love and Peace

Indie xx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi Indie

I know exactly what you mean. Half of us wants and needs friends and the other half doesnt want, or need friends. I know Ihave upset many of mine as I have refused to speak at all on the phone only via e mail. Then some e mailed me sometimes twice a day with long long info on what was happening in their life and their hols etc etc and I could not take that either.

I too need to sort my head out and get my friends back - I dont want people just to feel sorry for me - I want true friends - and I am sure you have lots.

Take care

love Maralyn X
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

Indie you were here for many in the past including me just remember we are still here for you if you need us try not to be a recluse youve shared your life so why not share your passing thats what im doing

sending love and hugs

Jimxxxxx
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

Oh so true. I retreated quite a bit at the beginning then decided that I was going to beat this horrible thing and I wanted friends around to share in the joy of life that I still had in front of me.

big hugs

Andrew xx
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi Indie.....We all at times feel down...don.t want to do anything...don.t want or can.t be bothererd to talk to friends.....i feel like that for days sometimes weeks at a time...i.v not worked since last july...everyday for me is the same no weekends doing the same thing day in day out...and my family and friend can see when that happening and rally round and help me through these time...then i come back down to earth and realize there are people a lot worse than i am...am at present doing some work for a wellbeinging and cancer centre near me..as they give free treatments to cancer patients and i.m going to start doing some driving for age concern as a volunteer...its my way of trying to give something back to the people that have helped me through my cancer journey..Don.t be to hard on yourself Indie..we all need our "ME" time because thats how we get through our cancer journeys..as long as you.ve got your family and friend there when you need them ..thats all we need ...You take care...Johnb..xx
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hello everyone.

My name is Abi and i am currently studying for my dissertation at Sheffield Hallam university.

I am looking to befriend and talk to people about their personal circumstances in order to raise awareness about perceptions of cancer, particularly leukaemia.

I would appreciate any help. If anyone is interested in simply talking to an outsider please contact me: Abigail.Long@student.shu.ac.uk

many thanks, abi x
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