It’s true, I have cancer, it’s crap, It’s going to kill me eventually but right now I’m more afraid of living. Why you may ask? Well when I think of my Cancer I think of this big vast Ocean, a stormy sea, with great big waves crashing constantly over my head. You just have time take a deep breath before the next wave comes along. Sometimes though the waves are too strong and you find yourself sinking...it’s then you have to dig deep, kick your feet like buggery and push for the surface.
As your head pops above the waves, the sea is calm, the sun is shining and there are sunbeams bouncing off lots and lots of life jackets. Life jackets? Yes. You see these life jackets are my lifeline. I know I can grab onto anyone of them at any time for support, they keep me afloat and stop me from sinking. Sometimes I might grab a jacket which says Keith, and cry down the phone to him. It might be Debs, smiling at a text she has sent me and chuckling as I imagine her trundling around Tesco’s. It could be anyone of my friends or family.
I feel especially supported by my What Now friends and the many amazing people I have met on this, my journey. There are so many of you, Liz and Joan, Rose and Kerrie, Sue and Gill, Patricia who gave me a Rose Angel that goes to all my appointments with me, beautiful Mel OOOOOH AND MARSHA HEHE. So many friends from What Now. Since the mets have now invaded my brain, I am more aware of the fact that I could have a seizure or fit or simply wake up having lost some of my faculties. The thought of not being able to read or use my laptop or send a text scares me.
I’m an ex-Army wife so I have moved around a lot. My family are in Leeds and Kent, my friends spread all over the Uk, London, Noodles and Foreskin (yes I really do call them that), Oxford etc.etc. I’m scared that when that happens I’m going to kick my way to the surface only to be left floundering...knowing there are lifej ackets all around me but not being able to see or reach any of them.
So yes I’m frightened, as I am sure many of us are. All I can say is that if you do find yourself dinking, drowning, then kick for the surface because when your head pops above the surface there will be at least one life jacket...Me, always there just waiting to keep you afloat. Thank you for your support and your love, know that it is returned ten-fold.
Love and peace
Indie xx
