Hello to everyone who has been following my blog posts, and the new friends i have made on this site, thanks for all your support and encouragement.
I had the results given to me yesterday at the Eastbourne DGH. I had a good meeting with my specialist Urology nurse and also met the consultant who will be looking after me for the next 5 years! (yes i was shocked too 5 years!!!!).
The histology shows that i have a Grade 1 Transitional cell Carcinoma, pTa. without muscle invasion or CIS. = (TCC G1,pTa) which i am told is treatable and had been caught early however it is fast growing, although the least agressive one you can have. (so good news really.......)
My treatment plan will consist of 3 monthly flexible cystoscopys, followed by chemotherapy (Mytomycin washouts) and or radio therapy as and when required, for the next 5 years, should any sign of these tumors return during this time, then i go back to the start and start a new 5 year regeime! I must say i find this rather daunting, and hadnt expected to be spending the last quarter period of my life fighting this desease on a 3 monthly basis, so while it may seem a good result and for sure it could have been very much worse, I am still quite upset and haunted by the outcome, however i suspect once i have had a few treatments it will become second nature and i will just get on with it, but for now anyway i am shocked.
As some of you will know from my previous blogs, I lost my beloved father to Bladder cancer some years ago, and although they are not allowed to call it by the name that my fathers cancer was known back then (papiloma virus or warts on stalks!) what i have is the very same thing but called a new name of which i could not remember the technical term.
I remember very well the 6 years he put up with the 3 monthly visits to the hospital for the cystoscopys and chemical washouts as they were called then, and for 5 years he battled on, having the bladder fully removed and a stoma + bag fitted during this time, unfortunatly while recovering in hospital from that operation he had a stroke that went un noticed for too long, and he suffered parallasis and loss of speach and very restricted movement in his arms, he lived for another year after that mostly in a wheelchair, the family and i cared for him at home during this time doing everything for him, it was a pitiful sight to see i can assure you, and he passed away in my arms one evening when we were alone in the house.
While i was glad to be able to help him in his last weeks,days & hours, and even though this was quite some time ago, now knowing that i have the same condition fills me with sadness, and every time i shut my eyes i see him like it was yesterday, people say the treatment and drugs are different these days and i hope they are! but so far what i have heard seems the same kind of treatment he endured for what seemed to us a very long time. As you can imagine the whole family is thinking exactly what i am thinking, but none of them will say so.
Now somehow i am supposed to get back to work and be all enthusiastic about the future, work and things, and i know this is what is expected of me, but it really bugs me that even in this state i have to continue to make my employers rich while i struggle on barely able to pay the bills and feed myself and the 2 cats! on the pitance that i am paid, i am slowly selling all my posessions, chattles and wear's, just to make ends meet, i really cant see any future like this. the outlook is very bleek.
today is a down day then!! it can only get better, still its early days!
Pauli...........
