Sorry to disappoint those who thought this was a Landrover blog, I really wish I was writing about a road trip but instead I find myself in the unexpected position of blogging about my journey having had a breast cancer diagnosis.
Let's rewind to 12th Feb, late in the evening and I notice a lump. Saturday morning, it's still there. Thanks to the magic of our company health insurance, I get an online GP appointment on Sunday and find myself with a breast consultant appointment on Tuesday. The appointment sees me having a mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy, at which point I know it's not just a cyst that needs draining. Am now beginning to regret having driven myself to the hospital! A call from the consultant that evening confirms it, more than likely cancerous, 10 days wait for biopsy results to confirm it. Note to self, do not google with so little information to go on!
MRI scan booked for 3rd March, that's a long time to wait. I begin to tell selected friends, family and colleagues and the support is ama ing, lots of kind messages and gifts, people are so very thoughtful. Waiting is really hard, but I am resisting google (too scary) and have decided to put this problem in a box on a high shelf and try not to think about it.
Finally after a long 16 days (yes, I was counting) I have the MRI. Bloody noisy machine, lying face down with boobs hanging through 2 holes and head resting on a pillow. A bit like a massage table without the massage! I decided to count backwards from 1800 (don't ask) and they wheeled me out when I reached about 1400, so quicker than I thought. Top tip, wear leggings, no jewellery!
Lump Day +25 (9 March) and it must be bad as even during Covid they let hubby come into the consultant with me. I took the diagnosis on board quite practically. Grade 3 ductal cancer, 56mm, oestrogen and herceptin positive. I'll need chemo, hormone treatment, surgery and radiotherapy (basically the works!). I have some surgery options - lumpectomy, therapeutic mammoplasty, mastectomy - shit, what does that all mean???
Top Tip - do not tell people exactly when your consultant appointment is as they expect to hear from you. I wasn’t really up to talking about the extent of the bad news and certainly not multiple times. In the end I drafted a text and copy/pasted it to everyone and then chose who I called.
Ok, so we know what we're dealing with. The speed of the growth is scary but it doesn't look like it's spread. I need a CT scan to confirm that and then I started to google, got some useful info, then began to read about spread and secondary breast cancer!!!!!! OMG, what if it's spread? Then it's treatable not curable. There is no way I can wait 2 more weeks for a scan. This was my first definite wobble since this whole thing began, spreading to something much worse. Must stop googling!
Woke the next day with a purpose, to get a CT scan more quickly. Having the benefit of private healthcare at work helps and with the support of a very dear old friend, booked in for tomorrow, albeit an hour and a half's drive away.
I realised it is important for someone like me, who likes to be in control, to focus on what I can actually control. I can choose what I eat, how much I exercise and how to speed up appointments. This helps me a lot and reminds me I shouldn’t worry about things I cannot control. I remember a management training many years ago about circles of concern, influence and control and I use this technique a lot in work and it equally applies here.
