NOT COPING

oh maralyn so sorry to hear you are having such a hard time

but

maybe the hospital stay may be worth a try ..... say 1 week and ask to review after 1st week

then you would get plenty of rest? let the nurses run about after you ? have visitors (who you wouldnt have to run round after) see other people in similar stage of treatment ?

i know hospital food a bit crap but you could ask for visitor to fetch your fave food in for you?

just a thought .....trying to look at it from a different perspective?

ive felt crap this week too ...... my sons waiting for scan results ...find out next week whats next

sending you my love

hope it all soon settles down for you

will pop back to "visit" you soon for  a chat ok?

(((((((BIG HUG)))))))

xNx

Hi Maralyn,

Sorry you are having such a hard time. I am terrified of hospitals more scared of them than the cancer. I think you are very brave going on your own anyway. I couldn't. I even climbed out of a scan because I was on my own.When  I had my op the surgeon had to come to reception to get me as I couldn't go in. I went to theatre in my outdoor clothes, holding on to my bus pass! My husband had to stay 24/7 with me but I had to go private so we could have  room.

However what I want to say is that is easier as time goes on - not easy only easier. I still can't go in on my own and it's only for a blood test now but at least I don't run away as I used to.If they know you are terrified ( and I do know what you mean) I am sure they will try harder to make it better for you. The journey is difficult but the only way is to stay in and you will have to decide if you can do that. I definitely couldn't but I do feel a bit on my own as I have never met another cancer patient  during my year of treatment. you may benefit from meeting others.

The first time is strange so maybe it won't be so bad next time. I'm impressed that you had 2 social workers trying to help you. I've never had any help even when I've been crying in the car park unable to step inside.

The thing that made me do it (have chemo, scans op etc.) is the fact that if I say no I will die (I've got bowel cancer with liver and lung mets ). If I have the treatment I may survive. I want to live. I'm sure you do. I've not had radio so I don't know what it's like but I hope it will better next time and then you will have done two!!

Give yourself a pat on the back, scared people are braver than those who are not scared.

Hoping you will find that little bit of courage you need. Let us know how youare getting on.

Love JenXX

Hi Maralyn,

So sorry you are having a rough time at the moment, I know those scary feelings but you can do this, If I hadnt just had my lump out I could have driven you there honey but I will be there giving out positive vibes for you.and when you feel scared just jump on here we will all be ther for you.

take care

Love Terri xx

Hi Maralyn

Sorry you are finding the radiotherapy so distressiing.

Did not have a chin strap, just had to position my body and put my wrists in handcuffs!!!

I agree with Normally that although none of us like hospitals it may be better in the long run to get it over and done with.

Sorry you are so alone. The transport you have seems to be a pain.

Your husband and daughter I am sure can visit you every day and bring you some nice food.

You are not being a wimp. You are scared I know but 4 weeks I know sounds like a long time but you will be able to come out sorted.

Lots of Love

Sue x x x

Hello Maralyn,

After reading your latest blog, i felt compelled to write a reply as i didn't write one to the other blog i read about ur planning session. I really felt for u after reading that one and hearing how unsupportive your husband was being but i just didn't know what to say but after reading this one i thought i'd try.

I understand how u feel about radiotherapy, i've just finished a 4 week course or treatment, luckily i was able to drive myself to the hospital everyday an it isnt that far away from where i live but i know what a hassle transport is and how lonely it can be especially when ur scared, its just another hour and a half to sit worrying about what might happen when u get there and theres nothing or no-one to take ur mind off it, it sounds very soul destroying.

Also, i had radiotherapy to my neck and chest and had to have a 'mask' fitted to keep me in place. It was a mesh mask that covered my whole face and shoulders to keep me stil. Now i'm not claustrophobic but it wasn't a pleasant experience for me so i can imagine bein held in place with a chin strap for someone claustrophobic must be very difficult.Did you tell the radiographers how u felt?generally they r very good but u must speak about how u feel.

Staying in hospital is awful, i stayed in for 4 weeks earlier this yr and its not fun but like normally and Sue say, perhaps it mite be a little less traumatic? U can meet other patients, not have to worry about the journey everyday and get some proper rest. Also whenever u get nervous or panicky, there wil be someone there to help rather than sitting at home worrying.

Finally, U R NOT A WIMP! and i say that in big letters because u shouldn't feel that way, perhaps others do say radio is easy peasy, but they aren't u an u shouldn't feel that because ur not finding it easy, it must mean its ur fault! Cancer is a horrible thing to go through,esp alone and the treatments can be very physically and emotionally draining. I hope i have helped in a small way instead of just babbling on, just want u to know that there r ppl here that care about u and want to help!

Sending u strength,

Emma

xxx