Im a husband whose wife is undergoing treatment for breast cancer, are there any more out there like me?
1 minute read time.
FormerMember
My wife has had a lumpectomy and nodes taken out, After two weeks on our visit back to the hospital to seei if the operation was successful, thedoctor told us that the operation was a success and her breast and nodes were clear of cancer.
She was to have radiation treatment and no need for chemo. We were both overjoyed with this news and it felt like the big black cloud had started to disperse out of our lives. The doctor gave my wife the date of our next appointment which was to discuss dates and what the radiation included etc.
My wife went with our closet friend 7 days after the good news as she and we both thought i was not needed especially as i had taken so much time of work since the news of cancer all began. It was not to be.The Oncologist told her that the other doctor had NO-RIGHT to tell her she needed no chemo and because of the cancer she had (triple negative breast cancer)
she was advised to take chemo as the cancer could come back.He said that if we wanted children she would have to have her eggs extracted to become embryos and be frozen for a later date and she is now going through fertility treatment and due for inducement this friday(11-09-09).After this it will proberly be next week that she has to have the full body scan to see if there is cancer anywhere else in the body.We are both naturally very worried but trying to stay as positive as possible.Im taking her away to the Canarie islands 21st of this month for a week and then she starts her chemo treatment 6th October for a 18 week period for 6 sessions at 3 week intervals.
I trully feel i could do with someone to talk to who is going through the same experiance as we are,to see how they are dealing with it all.
I always wish i could do so much more as i feel so helpless and want to do so much more.
The dark cloud has returned into our lives and we are afraid.
Dont know what response to really get back,but just some one to talk to and not feel so alone.
FormerMember
Hi Natty,
Sorry I am not in the same position as you but couldnt sign out without responding. I was diagnosed with breast cancer 19 years ago and I have had a number of problems along the way, but am still here to tell the tale.
This must all have been made extra hard by the disagreement between doctors - I guess it happens which I hope suggests that your wife's case was borderline and whoever had the final say preferred the play it safe line. But I am very sad to hear that you now have all the anxieties about fertility. Cancer is so cruel. Hope you have a lovely holiday and that you both enjoy this special time away from it all briefly.
I don't understand how she needs chemo, after my mystectomy and radiotherapy, I was advised to get other breast removed because of the chance of it re-occuring but fortunately no need for chemo, so my heart really goes out to you both, I read your blog out to my husband, he says its really hard to put it into words how he felt when I was diagnosed, at first he said it didn't sink in, then thoughts of what the consequences could be didn't bear thinking about, but after my treatment finished he now feels there is light at the end of the tunnel, yes, I have further surgery to come, but we have been told the cnacer has gone, while things are going to be tough in the next few months the only advice he can give you is to try and be positive, get through the bad days and try to look forward to better times ahead, its a long journey but there is an end to the dark tunnel you are now travelling in.Normally my husband is a typical man and buries his head but this time he has been through it all with me, so keep strong and take each day as it come, take care viv xx(and hubby)
Like many on here I have been tending to read the blogs as a source of comfort,inspiration and information without necessarily needing to write. I could not however pass your story by without lending you my support and empathy as I am in pretty much an identical situation to yourself. My partner has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer (and by recently I mean 2 weeks ago) and I have been feeling a sea of different emotions ever since. Ironically, my profession is within the national health service and as such I possess a certain blankness when it comes to illness ,death and disease and we health professionals pride ourselves on this ability as it prevents us from becoming too emotionally attached to what we need to achieve medically. I had always wondered (but never dared wish) if I would be able to maintain this illusion of strength should anyone close enough to me become seriously ill. Unfortunately I now have my answer. When my partner was told that the lump we all thought likely to be a fibrous adenoma was actually a grade 3 intra ductal mammary carcinoma, I think I lost about 1 minute of my life. So many emotions ran through me in that exact second that I felt like I was swimming in an ocean with no land in sight. How was I to react, I needed to be supportive for her, maintain a facade of masculine strength, but at the same time I feel I want to cry. After this comes aggression. Why is this happening? Have we not have enough problems in our lives? why was I so arrogant and complacent thinking I knew enough to call it a benign lump?. But still I sit there, swimming. In truth these emotions never surfaced in reality and I let them lay dormant in favour of being as supportive as I can be for the woman I love. So where are we now? well in a similar place to you I would imagine, a perk of my job is that I have many connections and this meant that I was able to get her to see an excellent oncologist and surgeon. The plan, like yours is a lumpectomy. Her lump is small, around 1.5cm and she has normal lymph nodes. We had a CT scan done just to be on the safe side which showed everything to be normal, but we had a slight scare in that something was spotted on the liver that the radiologist could not give an official diagnosis of. We had a further ultrsound done that showed this to be a cyst, which is a normal variant. Watch out for this and try not to panic if something like that happens to you,sometimes CT scans can offer incidental findings that do not reflect anything nasty. Now on thursday we meet the surgeon for a surgical plan that I hope offers us a quick date as we want the thing OUT NOW/YESTERDAY. After the surgery it WILL be chemo and then radiotherapy. Quite frankly although I am not a doctor, I find it very strange that they tried to go without chemo in your wifes treatment plan, I think your oncologist has it bang on with needing it as It is vital in the long term prognosis. My partner is thinking about having the "coldcap" treatment and we are looking into its pros and cons, as I understand it, its not amazingly pleasant (as if the chemo wasnt bad enough) and doesnt always work. We may just go for the hair loss and bandanas, we have seen some really cool ones on the net.
In general I am much more upbeat and focused at the moment as I am armed with a positive mental attitude and a good feeling that the odds are in our favour. My partner and I have been through some tough times in our lives and we do not go silently into the night, we fight and we intend to win this initial battle.
If you are going to know anything, then know one thing. I am here and I care and if you ever need to chat to me then PM or message me. I check this site everyday as does my partner and I am always free to talk on any level you need. Hope this email finds you positive and evermore comforted by the fact that there is someone else out there who is going through the same thing as you at exactly the same time. I look forward to hearing your progress along the way and all the best to your wife, hang in there.
Physicians and Surgeons secretly regard each other as charlatans. Mostly the attitude has disappeared, but it will always be that, as doctors were once doctors, but surgeons were mostly barbers.
A surgeon is a specialist in cutting people open to remove anything not required. They will recommend chemo or radio if there is a bit they can't get at, but usually, surgery is the fall back position.
An oncologist is a specialist in Cancer. How to treat it with drugs or radio, or even get rid of the last little bit by using a barber-surgeon.
Now forget all that, as they will both tell you, but tiny bits of those attitudes will prevail. I'd go with the oncologist. My surgeon is totally brilliant, but I don't expect him to know as much about cancer as my oncologist who is equally brilliant.
Now go on holiday. You will have a lovely time. You can't forget it, so just face the worst possible scenario, then relax and enjoy your holiday.
Again, I am the patient, not the partner but anyway.... triple negative breast cancer cannot be treated after surgery with either hormones or Herceptin hence chemo. In a way that's good because this type of tumour is, I believe, less aggressive. The adjuvant chemotherapy is a real belt and braces approach to give your partner the best possible chance of not getting a recurrence in the years ahead. If even one little cell had 'leaked' from the tumour and settled elsewhere in the body, undetectable by scans, then the chemotherapy will zap it dead. The oncologist was right :-) Good luck.
