I have been worrying that mum was getting to used to using her wheelchair and had lost all her confidence. All the time we were on holiday she used the chair, when originally she wouldn't go near it at all. She has lost a lot of weight and with all her treatment over the past 9 months had done a lot of sitting about and only went out of the house with me. She has been complaining of weakness in her legs for a couple of months and was obviously quite scared of walking outside the house. Some of you will remember that she has had a couple of nasty falls.
Well today we went to Boundary Mill to do some shopping in their summer sale. I asked if she wanted to take her wheelchair but she said no as when she's in her chair she can't see anything properly, so she would walk. I could tell she was nervous and said her legs were a little weak after we'd walked round for a while. We went for a coffee and then set off again and I said she should take my arm if it would help her feel more confident, so she did. Bless her, I could feel her nerves as she was shaking a bit and kept grabbing my arm if we had to negotiate our way around someone or something but she did it! We then talked about how well she'd done and I've suggested once more that we go for a wee walk everyday and build up gradually. She is keen to do that and said 'I know if I don't use it I'll lose it!'.
I also reminded her that before treatment the issue with her walking, and the reason we got the wheelchair, was that the cancer in her lungs made her extremely breathless and she couldn't walk more than a few yards without having to rest. Today, although tentative, she walked at a smart pace and didn't get breathless at all. She was actually amazed when I pointed this out and, to be honest, so was I! It was like a 'lightbulb' moment, we both suddenly realised how much better she actually was. Often I find myself thinking 'is it back?' or 'when will it come back?' and the realisation today at how smartly she was walking with no breathlessness made me count my blessings.
A year ago today mum became very poorly in Florida. On returning home she was treated with antibiotics for a chest infection on 3 seperate occasions before a locum sent her for a chest x-ray. Before we got to the x-ray mum had started coughing up blood and I had to rush her to A&E where a consultant from the chest clinic saw her and set the wheels in motion which led to her diagnosis of extensive small cell lung cancer which was terminal. Everything moved pretty quick after that and the prognosis was very bleak. I was devastated and thought mums death was imminent but here we are now, 6 sessions of carboplatin and etoposide and 10 RT to head and chest later! No evidence of disease and apart from sore gums and weak legs my mum is very well. I have a lot to be grateful for. Firstly, the locum who referred mum, the consultant from the chest clinic who didn't waste any time, mums oncologist for his care, the district nurses and my mums CNS, Christine, who has shown a care for mum second to none and continues to do so. I think we have just reached a point today where I can see mum getting back a good quality of life. She is due a chest x-ray next Thursday and then will see her oncologist in clinic on the same day. I must admit I'm nervous about the x-ray and I'm praying its clear and that she can really start to regain her confidence and strength.
I think today has been another milestone in mums cancer journey and it's been a good day!
