I had prepared myself for the scan results showing the cancer was back so when I met up with Christine it didn't come as shock when she told me it was in mums liver. Nothing in her brain and her chest is still looking good. She asked me if I'd prefer mum not to know unless she asked and I thought about it before asking if Dr Mehta was likely to offer treatment. Christine told me second line chemo could be a possibility but that it would depend on whether mum was strong enough. She said this could be done intravenously or with tablets at home and that the tablets might be kinder. My mind was in a tizz and I said I just don't want mum to suffer. I don't want her to have treatment if it'll only prolong her life for a few weeks and the quality of life during that time is poor because of the side effects of the treatment. I left it that she would speak to Dr Mehta and let me know what he says before he speaks to mum.
I came home and immediately looked up liver secondaries. It appears to say that if the primary cancer responded well to chemo then it's more than likely the secondaries in the liver will also respond well. I text Christine and have told her that if there are treatment options Dr Mehta must tell mum and let her decide what to do. One minute I'm hoping he will offer chemo and mum will take it and the next I'm not so sure. I feel numb to be honest. I am going to text Christine again in the morning and ask her to let me know what Dr Mehta says before he sees mum. Christine says it will be about teatime when he gets to mum because he has clinic.
Things are still not good in the hospital. This afternoon during visiting mum needed the loo. Christine was with us and I told mum to press her buzzer. After 15 minutes no one had come. I asked mum if she was desperate and mum said yes so Christine helped me to get mum into her wheelchair and I took her to the loo. I didn't get her there a second too soon. I brought her back from the loo and Christine helped me to get mum back onto the bedside chair. About 10 minutes later a nurse came in and asked mum if she wanted something. I had forgotten she had pressed the buzzer. I told the nurse it was ok she had needed the loo but I had taken her as she was desperate and couldn't wait any longer. She reset the buzzer and walked away without saying a word.
I actually spoke to Christine alone after visiting and that was when she gave me the scan results. We had a good chat and she told me that she knew I was busy with other things at the moment but that I should put in a letter of complaint at the earliest opportunity. We had a good chat and she told me why she had come off the wards and was now doing this job. She said she used to love working on the ward and was a ward manager. They then introduced the new modern matron and she was encouraged to go for the post. She got the job and hated it. She spent her time doing admin and responding to complaints. She said what made it even worse was that the complaints were generally well founded. She said she joined nursing to help people and she feels that the job she is doing now allows her to make a little bit of a difference for her patients. I told her she had made more than a little bit of a difference where mum and I are concerned. If I hadn't had Christine to help I dread to think what might have happened to mum. Especially with the cock up with the meds when mum was admitted.
Christine has sent the referral off to the hospice and says I won't believe how well mum will come on if we can get her in there for a couple of weeks before she comes home. She says the care there is fantastic. I've spoken to mum about it today and, although she wasn't keen at first, telling her I could come and go all day and even stay over with her did the trick. Oh and the fact that she wouldn't have to wait until 2.30pm for a cig, what can you do!?!
Carol the lady I met at the hospice on Thursday rung me on Friday morning and again this morning to see how things were. How nice is that! She has a day off tomorrow because she works part time and says she will ring me on Wednesday morning and I know that she will. People like Christine and Carol restore my faith in humanity.
Finally, my aunt and uncle are heading back to Scotland tomorrow as they look after their grand daughter whilst her mum and dad are at work. They have been such a support over the last week and I know I'm going to miss them terribly. Just hope I'm strong enough to cope on my own.
