Today I travelled back home from Scotland. I felt very sad when I said goodbye to my aunt and uncle and it would have been easy to just stay there but I knew I had to come home. I couldn't delay the inevitable, it was important I came back today.
Something I didn't realise I'd feel was very sad that I was leaving mum up there with dad. I know it's what she wanted but I suddenly felt that if she was up there with him, she couldn't be down here with me. Does that seem crazy? I just didn't expect it. Mums ashes were scattered in the old garden of remembrance at Woodside Crematorium in Paisley this morning, in the same place dads ashes were scattered almost 27 years ago. They are now back together and that's how it should be.
The service on Friday was perfect. Many people told me it was the nicest funeral they had ever attended and they all enquired about the Angelis song which they thought was so apt. The minister was lovely and you would have thought that he had known mum all her life. I had been worried that with him not knowing mum, except from what I had told him during a two hour conversation I had had with him on Wednesday evening, he would struggle but I needn't have worried. He was fantastic and I found myself smiling as he recounted some of the stories I'd told him. He had really listened to what I'd told him was important. He didn't read from his notes but just talked as if he had always know mum. Everyone had a wee giggle when he talked of the feisty wee woman who enjoyed a dram!
Kieran didn't manage to do the reading so my friend Nuala did it. Kieran was distraught and Gillian actually had to hold him up through most of the service as his legs went to jelly, bless him. Most of my family and mums friends up there had never met Kieran but they all knew about him from mum and all asked if the boy who had been so upset was Kieran. They all made a point of seeking him out at the hotel and telling him how proud mum always was of him, which was lovely. I think he will be ok but I will keep a close eye on him and make sure we talk about mum. Within minutes of me being home today he was in my house making him and I a coffee. He informed me he had come in to my house yesterday to watch the footy in HD. I was pleased about that as I was worried that since mum passed away at home, and was no longer here, he may avoid coming in but it seems that perhaps he feels closer to her in here, I hope so.
On Wednesday we are going down to London to watch Billy Elliot. It was mums favourite musical and she had seen it several times so I thought it was a perfect gift from mum to Gillian, Naomi, Kieran, Charlotte and Thomas. Mum and I took Kieran and Charlotte a couple of years ago and the others have been desperate to go. Kieran and Charlotte were keen to see it again, as I am, and so, on mum and dads 54th wedding anniversary, we will all celebrate with a great night out in the West End!
Thanks to all of you who have posted on my blog, sent PMs and texts since mum passed away. Your messages have given me strength and it's comforting to know that you are all here for me. God Bless.
