Well it's 5 months today since I lost my wee mum. Sometimes I feel she hasn't been here with me for so long and at other times it seems like it was only yesterday. Will I ever get over losing her? No! Am I learning to cope without her? Yes!
I'm definitely moving forward and starting to pick up the pieces and move forward. I am returning to work on March 28th. The fact that I now feel I can return to work is definite progress because for the last few months I have felt I would never go back. My boss has continued to do everything to support me and I will be going back on a phased return. She is also allowing my friend Suz, who has been covering for me since I went off, to remain with me for a while so that if I have a wobble I can take some time out of class. That has made me feel much more positive about going back.
I have also started to venture out of the house more and don't feel the desperation to get back home as soon as I can, the way I have been doing over the past few months. I have had a couple of trips away for a few days and did manage to enjoy both. Yesterday I did some shopping in Sainsburys. No big deal really but I had taken to doing all my shopping online so it is another small step back to 'normality', whatever that is!
On May 27th I am taking 82 kids to Disneyland Paris for a few days and I'm beginning to look forward to it. Gillian, Naomi, Charlotte, Thomas, Joseph and Freya are all coming with me, as is Suz, and I have 8 other colleagues who are fantastic so I'm sure we'll have a fab time. My school is in an extremely deprived area and the parents have been paying up a little at a time over the past 18 months so that their kids can have this experience so we need to make sure it's one they'll never forget.
Well that's just a quick update. I hope you can see that although I'm not over losing mum, and never will be, I am now much more positive that I can move forward without her. I am praying that my mum and dad are looking down on me and are happy to see that, at the age of almost 50, I have, at last, learned to walk on my own!
