Mum phoned me early this morning, informed me she had had her breakfast and said 'so much for you coming in to give it me!'. I didn't say that of course and she then said 'oh yeah, I remember it was lunch.' That dealt with she informed me that she was feeling brighter and that she had had her blood pressure taken. She asked when I would be in and I told her around 11am. I then text Christine and asked her what the possibility would be of bringing mum home if there was still no bed in the hospice. She and Dr Mehta had discouraged this and my uncle was adamant that I couldn't cope but I made up my mind last night that if it was possible it was going to happen.
The reason I made this decision is because it is what mum wants. She wants to be at home where she can see the kids every day and where she has everything, and everyone, that she knows and loves around her. She has told me she understands why she can't come home as she knows I couldn't cope and then I thought why can't I? I am spending about 10 hours a day at the hospital and about 2 hours travelling back and forward so that I can keep the washing down and keep a good supply of nighties at the hospital (they lost a brand new one, first time on yesterday, today!). During my time at the hospital I do everything for mum and the nurses do nothing. I know it's going to be tougher because she will be with me 24/7 abut it's tough now especially when I have to leave her there knowing that it will be hit or miss whether she gets the care she deserves or not!
Christine came to see me and mum this morning in the ward and we set things in motion to make it possible for mum to come home. Mums district nurse rung me this afternoon and has ordered a hospital bed to be delivered Monday. She will also sort out a Marie Curie Nurse and Hospice at home. On Monday we have to meet with the social worker at the hospital to put the care package in place and then mum can come home. I don't have a lot of faith in social workers as the one mum has had since diagnosis has been awful but Christine says it will be a different one. I hope she gets her finger out on Monday and that if mum is not home on Monday she will be by Tuesday.
It was interesting that mums district nurse did not take to the nurse from the ward that had rung her. This is a nurse mum also has no time for as she says she's nice when I'm there and nasty when I'm not! Tne District nurse has also said there will probably be no need for mum to go into the hospice at all. She asked what mum wanted and I said we haven't discussed where she wants to die as she doesn't acknowledge it's going to happen, her way of dealing with it, it's not happening. However, I believe mum would be much happier at home, maybe at some point we'll discuss it maybe not, it's got to be about what mum wants and if she doesn't say then I'll do what I think is right.
So today has been a day for making decisions!
