It has been 26 hours since my dear wee mum passed away. I was holding her hand and talking to her when she just slipped away peacefully. I had asked the nurse earlier in the morning if I would know when mum would go as I had been frightened to leave her side even to go to the loo in case she went when I wasn't there. The nurse told me that she felt that it was the person dying who would choose when to go. She explained that she had seen people who had waited until someone got there and then went quickly and there were others who would go when everyone moved away from the bed. So I knew then I had no control over it and mum would decide to go at the time she thought was right.
Throughout the morning I had sat and talked to mum and held her hand. The nurses arrived at 10.30am and gave her a wash and put her in a clean nightie. Two of my friends from work had arranged to come over and see us later in the morning and I had told mum they were coming at 11.45am. Just before 11.45am mum opened her eyes, seemed to smile at me and, at exactly 11.45am, mum drew her last breath and then slipped away peacefully. Typical of my wonderful mum that she appears to still have been looking after me at that stage. I really believe that she chose 11.45am because she knew Julie and Clare would arrive almost immediately and so I wouldn't be on my own. I couldn't have asked for a better mum and know that she'll now be with my dad and that they will continue to look after me.
I want to share a reading with you that I will be having at mums funeral.
'She is Gone'
You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile that she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back or you can open your eyes and see all she has left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she's gone or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
David Harkins
A service and cremation will be held at Woodside Crematorium in Paisley at 2pm on Friday October 22nd.
Thank you to all my wonderful mac friends, especially the macChatters (you know who you are!) who have supported me over the past ten and a half months and who, I know, will continue to support me in the future. I love you all. XX
