Yesterday I received the outcome letter from my meeting with my Headteacher on Monday. She had emailed to apologise about it seeming so formal before I received it and telling me not to get hung up with the formality and to assure me the support is there.
As a result I was supposedly prepared for what it might say but when it arrived I was totally taken aback. I text to arrange to speak to her and I have just come off the phone. She was, as usual, very supportive and kept telling me to take it one step at a time but here's the problem. I am a member of the Senior Leadership team and have been in post for 6 years. I am one of the Assistant Heads and my specific area of responsibility has been for our specialist schools programme both in school and in the wider community.
I rung Colette for some clarification with regards to phased return and her expectations that I would be able to return before March 25th the day my sick note runs out. She explained that I needed to go back to my GP and get him to give me a fit to work form saying that I would be fit to return if I was offered a phased return. Anyway I clarified all the dates, expectations etc. and then progressed to the big concern I had about her letter, which was the following sentence:-
There is a possibility that you may also want to discuss some changes in your role. Given our conversation today, I feel that this may help you.
I didn't understand what she meant by this as I've always been very effective/successful in my leadership role and know that when I feel better I will be again. Nothing had been mentioned about this in our meeting on Monday so I wondered why it had appeared in an outcome letter.
I asked her what she meant and she began by explaining that when I first go back I might not feel up to doing some of my SLT duties, so we would begin by focusing on the teaching side of things. I said my concern was that the statement seemed to be indicating more permanence to a change in role something I didn't want or need. She then said that the Government have cut the funding for specialisms in school and so the majority of my job description no longer exists. I know that the government haven't actually abolished specialist schools but the funding is now centralised whereas it used to be ring fenced. Colette said there was no longer any funding and so I would have to renegotiate my job description. I asked her was she saying I would lose my role on SLT, which of course would mean a reduction in salary, and she said she wasn't saying that. I asked was I surplus to requirement and she said she wasn't saying that either. She said that we would have to look at all of SLTs job descriptions, plus one that retired at Christmas and renegotiate. She then told me I wasn't to think about that now and repeated we needed to take it one step at a time. She said let's get you back into school first and then take it from there but I cannot cope with the thought that I will be demoted.
Seemingly this has been going on since October but she didn't want to ring me up and tell me while I was like this. She told me some of my colleagues have already picked up other things as their job descriptions have been renogotiated to take account of the governments cuts and us having one less member of SLT from January. I said at the start that the panic is setting in. In actual fact the state of anxiety I now feel is probably the worst I've felt for weeks. After Monday I felt very positive and now I feel if I can't go back to the job I've been doing and contribute to the leadership of the school I don't want to go back at all. I am so anxious my heart is pounding out of my chest and my stomach is turning sommersaults. I have contacted my union, something I have tried to avoid because I didn't want to upset Colette but I now feel I've been duped and need to protect myself.
The union guy has emailed back and said he will ring me at around 3 this afternoon. I am a bit of a panic merchant and always see the worst relying on my mum to help me see the positive and reach decisions. I miss her so much but today I feel so alone without her to give me a hug and tell me everything will be ok. I've worked all my life to get to where I am today. My life has consisted solely of work and looking after mum for the past 20 years and now I feel like I've lost everything. I'll stop now as I can't see what I'm typing through the tears.
