well... you may all wonder where this post is coming from.. why im writing it... well because i dont say it often enough...
this time last year i will have just got home from a camping holiday. a real good laugh with john. unaware of the months ahead, the shock of getting cancer at just 19 years old. unaware that id loose nearly all my friends, unaware of just how much cancer affects peoples lives, niave that it could ever happen to me... i didnt give two thoughts to cancer before i got it, because it never really affected me. it was never in my family, and so i didnt have to think about it...
getting cancer... well... to say i was shocked would be true, but to be prepared for it was even more true, because when i had the lumps pop up on my neck, i googled it... then thought to myself, at worst it would be cancer. so when i got told and when all my family and friends around me broke down, cried, couldnt speak, and were just totally shocked, i guess i was to... but more positive than anything. i felt i had to carry everyone and be strong for them..... in the beginning, everyone was here for me, everyone said they would be here for me, that anytime i needed a friend or someone to talk to, theyd be there... but how could i talk to them, i was scared id upset them, i was scared theyd run away... i didnt have to talk to some people to scare them away... theyd all ready gone... no longer here for me... when i joined this site, and found chat, it was early days, id only just been diagnosed, hadnt even started my chemo... but the support i got from here was AMAZING!! and it was great to be able to come into chat and release all my tension, all my worries, and fears... all the things that concerned me, i could talk about without making a big impact on my family/ friends and john....
but even at times where i needed to talk to someone, i felt i couldnt, and bottled alot of things up...
i have some real close friends from off here, that i can tell them anything about my life, and know that they wont judge me, that they wont tell me off if ive said or done anything silly... they will just advise me, and if im upset and feeling low, they will pick me up again, and support me... without these friends i dunno what i would do... because they are amazing to me... you know who you are... and i loves you all to bits... i really would be lost without you as friends... u all know i think of u as family... =)
these friends know when something is up, even from saying hello, they know that im sad, or down, or upset... that something has happened or if i have something on my mind... so straight away they are there for me, or they give me space til im ready to tell them... they also know im there for them with there ups and downs.... because even though we all have our own problems we continue to support each other... no matter what...
there is one friend, i think of as another mum, and she is amazing... really you are...and i still cant believe how close we are after meeting on here... and i truelly believe if i hadnt met you on here, i would of found you somehow =)
well, yesterday afternoon... me and tweety-pie, spent the afternoon having lunch, a usual thing we do... and then spent an hour or so, in my house, with the photographer for the coventry telegraph, and another man getting our story, of how we met etc.....
it all started like this....
when i got into remission, my mum did a party for me... and at the party we raised £207, so i decided to give it to macmillan... so i rang up the local fundraising office for macmillan... and the manager came out to my house..., and asked me if i would like to do some more fundraising etc... and volunteer to do a few bits and bobs... so i was going to be helping out in a coffee morning in september.. but then the manager got talking to another coffee morning event, and they want me there as ther special guest... so im going to be a special guest at a coffee morning, at a car place, and get driven round in range rovers i think... and id told her how id met people from off the chat room from macmillan, and it got her all emotional...
so then she said... would you be comfortable giving your story to the newspapers...sooooo i said ok... im up for that... and she asked if another member from the site lives near me that is here for me would do it, so i volunteered tweety... so me and tweety yesterday posed for pictures for the newspaper... and told our story of how we met.. what wed both been through etc... sooooo
the story should be in the paper wednesday or thursday...and il be able to get a link for anyone that wants to read it... =)
and if you havent already guessed... its tweety pie i want to thank, for everything she does, for being here when i need someone... and for doing that with me yesterday.... it means the WORLD to me.... thanks tweety pie xxxxx
and thanks to everyone else that has given me support, and continues to support me through everything else.... i was sooooo scared about seeing the pyschologist last week, and alot of people gave me the confidence to go... THANKS GUYS!! Without you all telling me how it helps i wouldnt of gone.... so again a BIG THANKS!! and i will continue to go.... xxx
so today i think of cancer, as a blessing in disguise, something that affected my life in a big way... but has brought me lots of positives.... everything happens for a reason... this reason was to gain great friends/ family.... real friends that i know will always be here for me... and they know il be there for them 2....
and i used to ask.... why me?
well... i believe its because i got it because i could beat it, and get through this.... even if finding the positives to it, and getting my head round it all is sooo hard... im working on it..... il find my smile again!!
