I lay in my bed alone in the dark curled into a ball & sobbed.
The fear, anxiety, stress & dread was so intense that no morphine equivalent would ease the pain. Every past hurt, loss, heartache & painfull experience came back to haunt me that night. I begged over & over 'please make this stop'. I was drowning in my own despair & had no buoyancy to help me. That night I would have gratefully left this world because my emotional pain was too much for me.
This is the thing with emotional pain, unlike physical pain, its virtually impossible to measure it on a scale & the worst thing is, that it's an invisible pain. When others see you with a physical injury they can understand that you may be suffering & may empathise a little, but with mental anguish, they can't see it, so it gets ignored & no empathy is given. Very often you get judged by others because they just think your a miserable person.
Lyrics in a Black Sabbath song called Paranoid, emphasise this.........."people think I'm insane because I am frowning all the time" "I can't see the things that make true happiness, I must be blind"
When your mind is unstable due to stress, anxiety, fear & worry you cannot see beyond that, you try but it's just not there in your vision. Your mental anguish also has physical consequences & your willingness to leave this world is intense because all you want is for the anguish to stop!
