This is so difficult. Markus came home from hospital yeterday, and slept most of the time. He is very breathless, and woke up frequently during the night to try to cough, or to sit up to get some air. He managed some soup last night, but today only half a glass of milk, and he won't have the intravenous nutrition, although I was taught how to do it. He has struggled for breath most of the day, and only tonight can he manage a bit better. He can't say much, and dosn't want to talk at all - doesn't want to be asked anything, or say what he wants or doesn't want. It's all too much trouble and too difficult. He feels nauseous too.
The mobile hospice came today and gave a lot of information and support. But it was too strenuous for Markus, he didn't really want to listen. They have a 24 hour emergency call service, where you can call and get help and information. They liase with the GP too, so it is really a good service. They gave advice on pain management and management of breathlesness too - but it hasn't really taken effect yet. And I couldn't talk to Markus about it - either the breathlessness or the hospice.
He watches television, and that's about it. In hospital he didn't even do that, so at least that is a plus about being at home, and I can lie on the bed beside him and keep him company or get out of the way into the other room. I even left him to sleep and did a little bit of shopping and got a bit of a change.
But it is a bit of a lonely, confusing, frustrating, sad business. I don't know really what to do to help, and can't get anything sorted out with him as it exhausts him and makes him feel bad. I just have to leave it all to him. I do hope he feels better soon, that the effects of the pneumonia wear off a bit, and that he doesn't lose too much ground.
So that's it.
FormerMember
Thanks everyone for your comforting words. I did feel very much alone, without Markus to talk to. He really couldn't speak yesterday.
But he slept without coughing last night, and today he was able to breathe better. He's even had a glass of milk and used the computer.
Tomorrow my sister in law is coming to give us a bit of support (she dropped by tonight, too). It does make a big difference. Today, I, the most unhousewifely person you can imagine, sat on the bed by Markus and shortened 6 pairs of my own trousers - and I hate sewing. But it was productive, I didn't bother him, I was nearby, and he slept well again in the afternoon. Hope it keeps on like this.
Good to hear from you Pat. You do sound as if things are a little more bearable. I've really come to appreciate friends since my own diagnosis. Indeed, cancer is an efficient way of finding out just who the real friends are.
Anyway, if the trouser-repair thing is therapy I'd be happy to bundle a few pairs to you .. got some old flares somewhere (are they back in fashion). Got a few socks with holes too if you're also into darning ...!?
Seriously .... it's warming to sense that you're both doing better today.
Ha, you're too late, Andrew! They were in fashion and now they're out again. No, I'm into BUYING new pairs of socks, not darning them. But perhaps we can do a deal about the trousers ...
