Tuesday, 7th June 2011
Today has been a bit difficult. I attended the burial of my uncle's ashes. He has been interred with his father (my grandfather) in a previously unmarked grave. The family are arranging for a stone to be erected in memorial to both of them now. It was quite moving, especially as John is so ill now. My uncle was 89 when he died and had a long innings and, although sad that he has gone, I wished that John could have as long a life.
John's daughter stayed with him while I was gone and the doctor came soon after I arrived home. He checked John's blood pressure and actually listened to all his symptoms. Then he prescribed new anti-sickness tablets and lactulose for the constipation. It was what he said afterwards that upset me.
He confirmed that John's own doctor has written a referral to 'the palliative care team' at MacMillan. No-one has mentioned that word before but I don't think John even knows what it means. It was a shock to my system but I couldn't show John or even discuss it with him later. Perhaps I'm trying to shield him from the truth for just a little longer.
It still remains to be seen when MacMillan will get in touch.
I'm dreading Thursday but wanting it to come at the same time. I'm bracing myself for what they will tell us but realise that we need to know. John's daughter is coming and I know how emotional she can be so that worries me too. Mind you, I've been holding everything in for so long, perhaps it will do us all good to let it all out. We'll see.
His daughter has been a rock during the last few days. She is a ray of sunshine and so full of life that it does him good to see her. He keeps saying he didn't realise how much she cared so she's really coming up trumps. She comes with food and drinks for him and even did my hoovering today - long overdue (the hoovering, I mean). She says she doesn't want to be in the way but she isn't and I've told her so. How can I deny her the right to be with her dad at a time like this?
Must end now but I needed to update you all. He's been quite poorly today and spent a lot of time in bed. Hasn't eaten much either but the pain has been a little less.
Thank you again for all your love and support.
Madge x x x
