Hello
Well this is my first blog. Havnt felt the need to write down how I am feeling before but right at this moment.....I do.
So-a year ago last week!!!
That was op day-the day my life changed!!
For those who already know my story-I apologise for repeating myself but here goes:
I was diagnosed with cancer of the voice box and, to cut a very long and probably tedious, story as short as possible I have had my voice box, trachea (from neck up) and oeasophagus (never bnow how to spell that!!) removed and a stomach pull-up to create new gullet. I have a neck stoma through which i breath, and speak using a electro thingy called a servox....just call me dalek!!!
So really I look and sound a bit like a freak show-well thats how i feel every morning when i look at myself in the mirror.
I then went on to have rt and 2 blasts of cisplatin!! Well the rt gave me radiation burns to my neck (just to add to the scarring) and have left my face looking like I have a 5o,clock shadow (thats my story and im sticking to it lol). And the cisplatin has left me with tinnitus............pardon!!
So-where am I now????
Wow what a question!!!
One year on and end of treatment scan was all clear.
Started back to work last week on a very slow return to work programme.
Meeting up with a few of the wonderful friends i have met in mac, driving a bit more, getting out to do the shopping, bit of walking, routine stuff etc
BUT WHERE AM I NOW???????
My 2nd son goes off to uni in september so I will then be on my own and dreading it.
I should b moving forward and putting yr behind me-but looking forward to what? It should be an exciting time surely-so why do i feel scared and lost?.
When my cancer was diagnosed I knew exactly what was going to happen-the op, the treatment, the doc visits etc etc..................but now..............i havnt a clue. I feel like im back in limbo land again. Not knowing, waiting, watchin!!!
And no one here to share these fears with doesnt help.
***************Well Tweet-if yr reading this...get yr boots on!!****************
So...wat was the question?
Oh yeah.....Where am I now?
Answer-I havnt the foggiest idea!!
Lynne
