Its three weeks since my beautiful sister passed away and i seem to be getting worse week by week. I want to burst out crying all the time. I'd only just started a job as a support nurse in the beatson oncology centre and had to go back this week. The patients are lovely and kept me going, but i am so gutted to see people going home, when i know my sister is never getting the same opportunity.
She had an infection and went back in for treatment, but we never expected this. I spent every day with yvonne since she was diagnosed, (we're two wee peas in a pod, she used to say) and i feel like half of me is missing. She was only 26 and i cant contemplate the future without her, it seems too long until i can see her again.
| gave her a stem cell transplant, and feel guilty every day, she was constantly in pain for the six months after the transplant, in and out of hospital, did i do the wrong thing? Should i have given her bone marrow, should i have said no?!! They give you a big speech about not feeling guilty, how its not my fault, but i would love them to be sitting in my position giving the same advice!!
I miss her sooo much, i dont know what to do with myself. We were supposed to face the years together, and know, even with everyone around me, i feel totally alone. Nothing feels right. I dont know what to do!!!
Sorry for going on, and thankyou for listening.
Much love, lynnxxxxx
