Had a visit from my brother and lovely flowers from him, but I got a bit humpy when he said that I looked so well and maybe I was getting better. Sorry Martin there is no getting better with this nasty as there is no cure, only Palliative care.
Ray said when he had gone that I sounded angry but I wasn’t, I said its like someone is strangling me and I’m fighting then some else says don’t worry you wont die, so you relax and then the strangler can the kill you because you are not fighting him anymore.
I mustn’t loose the fight or the same will happen with my nasty and it will be able to win.
We had a walk around the beach with the dog but the wind was blowing and the Sea was very busy. In the distance over Essex you could see a huge Black cloud and the rain streaks and we were able to watch it come over the Isle of Sheppey and the the wind whipped up and you could smell the rain.
We were lucky as it only spitted and we got back indoors dry.
After they went I was on my Computer and I had a message from a contact on Macmillian who asked me how Ray was coping as she was finding it hard as her husband wont talk about his Meso, so I asked Ray to answer her.
Here is what he wrote
Hello, Mavis said maybe I should talk to you. How do I feel. Its been a year since diagnosis. Over 365 days of fear pain disbelief. I wake each day and am thank-full that we have another day together. I dread the scans the oncologist visits. We sit in waiting room waiting our turn not saying much but secretly praying for good news.
But we have a life a good life and we try to get as much done as we can we don’t sit and dwell or mope. Together we don’t talk about it , well to each other. But its always there when I drop off to sleep when I wake up. every days is a bonus. What the future has or how long that future lasts. I do know that when that day does show itself. For me life will cease. For 53 years Mavis has been my life my breath my best friend my everything and I cannot imagine life without her. Its her courage that keeps me going she is so up front and brave it helps me to cope. I feel that if she wasn’t so courageous in the way she deals with it. Then I would probably be in tears every day. Its a case really of taking what we have and making the best of it. i say to you chin up support your husband because he is in pain too ,support each other be there for him. For me whatever she wants then that’s what she gets. I don’t care what it takes If I can do it then its done. I hope this in some small way helps you. There are lots of us out there, try not to think of yourself but of your partner.
Regards ray.
I cant add to that I just wish there was a cure –you never know it might me just round the corner.
