i told my little one today that the cancer has returned - she was very good bless her - the first thing she said was are they going to operate again - i told her that it wasn't an option this time - she then said 'are you going to die' - i took a big deep breath and explained to her that we couldn't say what was going to happen we have to wait for the results of the tests - i asked her if she was upset and she said no - i was shocked - she then said should i be? do you want me to be upset? i wasn't too sure what to say - but i told her that i thought she might be feeling something - she said she was - she said that she felt really angry at the doctors for not getting it all the first time round - how strange! - she tought that being upset was crying - i explained to her that being upset covered a lot of emotions - she seemed ok with that - i think she felt that she was dissapointing me by not crying - she is a bit like me with crying - it is something we just dont seem to do - bless her -
Also - thanks everyone for your comments - i have had phone calls today regarding my scans - i have appointments for tuesday - ct scan of jaw early morning and ultra sound and biopsy on lymph node lunch time - i am also having my back tooth removed on monday afternoon - i have been having awful problems with absesses so i am hoping that it is the absess that is showing up on the scan and not the cancer - the specialist seems to think there is a chance that it might be the absess so fingers crossed -i am terried of dentist and have already been to see the doctor who has given me a couple of valium to take an hour before my appointment - lol - so hopping that they will take the edge of the fear of the dentist - then it is the waiting again - i see the specialist on the following tuesday for the results and hopefully we will be able to begin orgainsing treatment - hope everyone is ok and sending lots of hugs and cuddles - karen - xoxo
