Colonoscopy yesterday - no other lesions. YAY!! Unfortunately, mri on pelvis and abdomen also showed strange shadow on pancreas, so have to return next week for some more pics to be taken. When I had the earlier scans done, I didn't freak out too much because once inside the cylinder I could see some daylight behind me; but I know the scan for the pancreas will place me in the middle of the cylinder and I can already feel that horrible clammy panic of claustrophobia!
Anybody have any similar feelings or am I being a complete and utter WUSS!!!
FormerMember
Thanks for your kind words of encouragement, Val. I KNOW that I should think of the machine as a 'friend' and a lifesaver, but I remember the feeling of panic and horror when I had a scan on my pelvis last week and the 'roof' came on top of me - (and then the overwhelming blissful relief of seeing daylight at the end of the tube when I looked up). BUT, next time, because they've seen a shadow on my pancreas, I shall defo be midships, and so I am already bricking it! Another blogger has suggested asking for a sedative of some sort as the last thing the staff want is a writhing, twitching mass inside - especially when their mantra is ' STAY STILL'!!!!
I don't honestly thing that mooooosic is going to help!
Thanks anyway. Lots of appointments next week as well as the mri - radiation treatment and a meet with my lovely colorectal nurse, who's at the end of her mobile anytime I need her. Also heard this morning that the hospital doesn't think it can complete a full treatment of radiation pre-op pre-Xmas, which means that they'll operate in the New Year. This is wonderful news, as I haven't told any of my family yet - instead making surreptitious journeys to the hospital for all the procedures I've undergone already. So at least I shall have a good Christmas with the family without feeling that I'm the spectre at the feast.
Please stay in touch and I hope that you can work out a solution to your contrasting agent prob - let me know how it goes?!
Are you mad? Why are you not sharing this with your family? Couldn't you use a bit of support? Why are you trying to go it alone? Do you think they'll thank you for it? I don't think so - I think they'll be very hurt and pissed off that you didn't think them worthy of sharing your angst etc. You don't have to make a big deal out of it, but I really think they're entitled to know. Better to know now at the beginning and go through it all with you than to have the bombshell when you go in for your op. And also, you'll feel better for talking about it.
It's just knee jerk maternal behaviour, i guess. Wanting to relieve them all from the fear and the unknown. Once I get the results and can then give qualified answers to their questions AND i've got my hospital op date - I'll tell 'em. Also, this cancer is the first time i've ever felt out of control and keeping mum (pun intended) gives me an enormous feeling of having some of that power back. I'm extremely lucky in that I can't get my head around the reality of the cancer - only am able to take on one thing at a time. Hence: seigmoidoscopy, colonoscopy, bowel scan, catscan, mri - am wearing the t-shirt and that's all done and dusted. I was bricking it but got through all the procedures but the enormity of handling it all myself is what is keeping me focused and sanguine. One thing at a time - then tick that particular box when it's over. Next, the chat with the radio-gaga department on Monday and the mri on Thursday so two more to tick off the (never-ending) list.
Today is the tomorrow I worried about yesterday !!!!!!!!!!
Will check in again after I've survived next week's appointments - this week is blissfully free of 'em!!
