WHY DAD?

3 minute read time.

Hi im new to this but ever since loosing my wonderful father nearly 3 weeks ago im finding myself coming on here and reading what people are saying and going through which makes it a little bit easier for me to try and come to terms with things.

My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer january 2010 after having routine knee replacement surgery october 2009. He was never ever ill and was so extremely fit and healthy until having his knee surgery.

After surgery he got breathless and tired the only symptoms of this cancer. After scans and xrays at our university hospital he was told there was no cancer detected but there was alot of fluid around and in his  left lung which would need draining.

The thorasic surgeon asked could he go into dads chest with a camera to see what was the cause and to drain the 8 litres of fluid, this was after we were told there was nothing serious, i.e cancer!

The day after this 20 minute op, they give us the dreaded news that he had found some nodules and that he took biopsies but they didnt look good, we were devastated.

My wondeful strong but scared  dad switched off and ignored any correspondence from the hospital regarding this matter until finally we couldnt take any more worry and had to confront this and find out what was wrong.

We were told in Jan 2010 that my dad had lung cancer and that he would need some sort of treatment, The oncologist did not want to treat dad with chemo as she said he was too well and healthy to under go this at this particular time.

We're a big close family and we never spoke of this horrid, nasty diagnosis, we never asked the oncologist no questions or anything about prognosis. We totally switched ourselves off from this.

Next onc app we were told good news that the cancer had not spread or advanced in any way what so ever, we were told that dad had this certain genetic tag that would enable him to have this so call 'miracle drug' IRESSA. The doctor said that there was a big chance that dad would respond well with this drug and that it should be perfect for him being he was so well at this stage.  This drug was not licenced until 13th july so he was planned to start this on 15th.

The months leading up to this date my dad started to get a lot more tired, very worried and anxious also started to feel a bit of pain around his side.

My dad was later told that the cancer had slightly progressed and that they had evidence that it had gone into his spine, he did not tell us anything of this as he always protected us from anything bad, we found this out from a home visit from the oncologist when my dad passed away.

Unfortunately my dear dad had a severe stroke fathers day June 20th, We definately and cant help to put this down to the immense stress and worry that this diagnosis gave him. He was a changed man from the day they told him, he hid his worried, sad eyes behind sunglasses for months trying not to show us but deep down we knew what he was feeling. My poor dad caught pneumonia ontop of all of this and died suddenly and very quickly june 28th.

The only thing that helps us accept this hurrendous shock is that my wonderful, strong, brave daddy was not in any pain and did not have to sufffer to the extent which we now know he would have, He didnt loose any weight or have any severe symptoms regarding lung cancer, this is why we find it so hard to have him taken from us so sudden.

There are so many questions going around in my head, why why why did they not treat dad early with chemo or radio when it was first detected? It must have been so small and very early stages being it was not on any scans. Why did they wait for my dad to get worse before treating him? maybe he wouldnt have had the stroke, caught pneumonia and died if they did ?

Love and miss u so much dad, your precious lil girl xxx

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Oh kate,

    How so sorry i am for you, i thought my dad only being 61 was way too young but 48 is very young.

    We're not coping very well at all, its hurrendous, the worst pain ever, real heartbreaking and i miss him so much, i cant get on with anything at all. My family and partner keep telling me i will get better in time to come. I hope so....

    How are you coping, How is your dad? There is nothing that can help or ease the emotions and sadness u must be going through right now i know, but keep talking on here because i think it do help.

    I do know that staying positive is a must! Its the only thing that kept me going when he was first diagnosed, looking back i suppose it was me being naive but the doctor said it just shows the love and care we had for him. Im glad i could stay positive throughout it though, im sure if you can it will definately help your dad!

    Is he having any treatment yet,  Do you talk to each other about his prognosis or anything?

    We never ever did...

    I really am feeling for you right now and i do hope you have lots of loving, caring people around you, please come and talk again Kate.

    Love and a big hug from Kirsty xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Kirsty, like your dear dad mum was diagnosed with NSCLC in Feb 2009 following a knee replacement in Dec 2008. She had an epidural so it was only after she too became breathless that she was investigated.

    We lost her June 22nd this year, and we are all still reeling from her passing.

    She was a very brave lady who underwent chemo last year. The tumour originally shrunk but came back around March time. Mum declined any more treatment and just had pain killers towards the end for severe shoulder pain. she had so much dignity but lost her fight when she became bed ridden, which she hated. Your dad also sounded very brave and it pains me to think of what he went through, at least he is at peace now.

    I wish you and your family much strength in the days to come and hope that the pain of missing him lightens for you in time.

    With love deborah x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Deb, Sorry to hear about your mum. She sounds brave to have declined treatment and make do with pain killers bless her.

    I keep thinking to myself if my dad had some sort of treatment sooner rather than waiting for this so call 'miracle drug' that they wanted to use on him would he have had more time and not gone so soon. He didnt even get the chance, they kept saying to us that he wasnt unwell enough for chemo.....what were they waiting for...all the waiting and worry this put on him we believe caused the stroke.

    Its very suprising to hear the same sort of story, knee op,' epidural used also'  then breathlessness then diagnosis. I havent heard of anybody else like dad and your mum where it comes out of the blue with no symptoms or illness.

    My mum swares that the knee op started this off. we find it hard to accept as he never suffered from any chest infections or breathing problems in his life up until after his knee. The oncologist did say that the symptoms wouldve shown that it was just a coincidence, very very hard to accept, but i suppose we just have to...

    Did your mum have any symptoms what so ever before having her knee done? Was she breathless immediately after surgery?  My dad was.....its hard to come to terms with things isnt it?

    I wish you well and hope the pain fades for us all in time to come, pls come back and talk soon.

    Kirsty xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi there Kirsty,

    hope you are well.

    Mum decided on an epidural because she had been a smoker up untill 3 months pre-op.

    She didn't have any symptoms only a bit of breathlessnes on exertion.

    Following her op she started to get a tickley cough and a chest xray found a shadow, later to be diagnosed as N.S.C.L.C S. She never developed any other symptoms such as coughing up blood or mucous, but had pain often severe in the tumour region.  She lived for 16 months with chemo Tx and just weekend as i said after declining any more intervention.

    We have just lost my beloved dad as well last sunday following a fall at home. He hit his head and had a massive intercrainial bleed. A

    s you can imagine we are realing with the effect of losing them both in 6 weeks.

    It is hard to come to terms with the loss of a love one and I hope you are lucky enough as I am to have family support.

    I wish you well also.

    Stay in touch.

    Deborah xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Oh Deborah, Im so dreadfully sorry for your loss once again, you must be going through immense grief. I really hope you are ok?

    The only thing i can say is that your brave mum and beloved father are reunited and resting peacefully together.....hope that helps?

    Thanks for getting back to me with regards to your mums symptoms, crazy how my dad along with your mum were fit and healthy before their knee surgery, it really makes me think?

    Its my parents 35 year wedding anniversary today and we are finding it quite difficult to cope, my mum and i are going for one to one councilling as we're finding it more difficult as time goes on, strange but most people i've spoke to including gp says its normal.

    I do hope you have the strength to get through this tough time and again im very sorry for your added loss.

    Please stay in touch, i find talking to people like yourself helps, i hope it does for you too.

    Takecare and stay strong

    Kirsty x x x