hair dyes and razors!!!

Well ive bought the hair dye to cover the silver (not grey-thats too harsh!!!) ive bought the razors for the pits and legs and looked out the waterproof mascara,ive bought the lip balm(last time i forgot one and my lips looked like someone had grated them!) and ive bought new knickers,ive even plucked the stray hirs from my eyebrows, nope im not going on a big night out im going for my big op,but ive decided i need to do everything possible to make me feel better and i know from previous emergency ops that thats the things ive worried about(slightly) when im on show for the doctors rounds! I know this time will be no different as my disease that killed my old kidneys in the first place was one in a million so im bound to be asked to speak to student at some point in my stay,i dont mind they have to learn somewhere. Ive got a busy weekend planned a 21st on sat night,a BBQ (indoors knowin Edinburgh) at my dads on Sunday and Monday will be fill the freezer day and try get the washing up to date,exciting hu! My wee one is a bit iffy this morning and ive just sent him back to bed,dont have to energy to fight him about going to school for 3 hours on a Friday,i cant believe i did this but i phoned his school and told them he was off but not ill but needed a duvet day alone with his mum before my op! Im sure they thought i was mad but i dont care. I have access to a thing called Renal Patient View which is a system where by i check my own blood results and they give you guidlines of what your bloods should be in and if you are worried you phone your transplant co ordinator for her to sort our,saves them doing all the hard work i guess, so anyway i checked my blood results on line last night which were ok but i went into the letters bit and found two letters written by my transplant consulatant,one to the ultasound dept asking how and why they missed a tumour on my old kidney while getting a detailed scan,and the other to my docotor,urologist,and eventually me just saying that she has given me the choice to stop my immunosuppression at the expense of losing my kidney or keeping it on and not giving my body the best chance to fight the cancer and that there is a considerable risk of cancer reapearing in the future. Im sure ive said all this before but it scares me,its like ive not just got cancer to worry about ive also got to keep my kidney going,i sometimes wish i had a disability people could see and understand and because i do look after my appearance people just think that im ok when my insides are wrecked. My partner and i had talked about having our own child together when we were 40 even though i had a transplant but we have decided we are lucky with what we have and that my body couldnt cope with any more strain so thats that out of the question.im glad in a way as my daughter was 11lb 5 oz at birth!! God this is a long one for me! Thinking of you all,specially the new gran on here,enjoy her they dont stay cute for long! Leigh xx