Ive had a real problem with guilt about my illness and how its affected everyone around me and after talking with the health phsycologist i now realise i have very little to be guilty about,it wasnt something i did that made me ill,i didnt choose this path,fate handed it to me for some reason and if my friends and family can learn something from my journey all the better.I may not have been able to go skydiving,bungee jumping and have wild holidays with the kids but im there for them,they are loved,looked after and cared for by the best of my abilities and thats good enough for me.I'll learn to enjoy the simple things with them and maybe live my life in the slow lane instead of the fast one,but it doesnt make me a bad person.Im going to make a real effort to go out every day,to keep in touch with friends (even if its just by text) to be the best mum and partner that i can in the circumstances without feeling guilty about anything anymore.
On a lighter note ive had a great week pain wise,almost none which is great,ive made the effort to go out everyday,even if its just for a walk with Billy and the dogs,the kids were at my dads Friday night and instead of th usual pj's and the telly on till bedtime we went out to the pictures,not the greatest film but a nice change,and we even went out on a night out last night,and stayed out late,like everyone else in the party,i was normal for once,i drank laughed danced and no one knew i had cancer,or health problems apart from the couple whos do it was,it was great,i felt free! Mind you im paying big time for it today,ive only left the sofa to go to my bed,but have had a great laugh with Billy about our antics last night, know doubt bedtime will be 8pm tonight!!
