Well,i went to bed the last two nights feeling shit because of the Danielle carry on and in a horrible way feel relieved that the problem has been taken out of my hands now as she has left the site.I woke this morning and cried,cried about everything really,how sad i felt over the Danielle fiasco,scared about my future health,felt really down as i had parents evening the other night and was told that Logan put my name down as a helper for the class trips but they picked someones grandad as he is more able than me.....made me feel shite. I am worried sick about Christmas and i know that the way money is in my house that my children will not be having the kind of christmas that they are used to and this uspets me with all they have been through this year,Billy is still out of work but is looking,Daniel is a lazy bum who has had one job interview in the six months he has been unemployed and doesnt seem to be looking for work anywhere,i know its hard as we look o the net every day and some jobs on Gumtree have been viewed up to 800 times so what hope do we have? I applied for a job doing data imput as its was local and part time and i feel at least one of us would be working but really mentally im in no state to work and ive got another op to face in the new year but god i have to do something.I have cried on and off most of the day and my mum came up and i got angry with her as she said im a doormat and the reason i have nothing is that i let the kids walk all over me and im too soft with everything,i also told her about the Danielle thing and she said i should stay away from the net and try get out more and meet people face to face.She also said i need to go back on some sort of anti depressant and quickly. I feel honestly that billy doesnt help me at times,when im down he just lets me be like that,he doesnt encourage me to do anything,lets me sit about all day in yesterdays pj's unwashed and eating shit,where i sometimes wish he would shout at me and tell me to have a shower and get my ass in gear,even make me go out for a walk with the dogs,but he doesnt and i spend loads of time just now sitting about the house feeling sorry for myself,what a depressing blog this is,but really what is the point??
