If the cancer doesn't get you the swine flu will

During what felt like house arrest in Mexico city I had time to think about last year and make some sweeping statements about my experience of having breast cancer. Here in Mexico all the schools, restaurants, cinemas, and many work places closed down to stop the spread of what could have been a national disaster and was a world wide fear come true. We are allowed to go out now, although there are still a lot of blue face masks to be seen around the place. People driving in their cars wearing them, and people kissing each other on the cheek wearing them. Kissing seems to be a hard habit to break here. Much like last year I have enjoyed not going to work and spending time with my kids. Much like last year we couldn't actually do very much and we left our flat very little, but it was enough to hang out and play cards and watch tele. Swine flu is like cancer because: You can't see it and you have no idea who might have it You really don't want it... no way You could die You can have treatment You would prefer to have it yourself than your kids getting it Wearing a mask really doesn't help but it does make you feel better Another 10 things I have learnt from having breast cancer (caught early and I am now in remission not the same experience as many more who are terminal or suffering much more than I am or did I guess you have different points to make. However, I think there are many women like me so here goes): 1. Good health is the best form of riches anyone can wish for. You can have everything in the world, riches, fame and fortune but if you are not well enough to make the most of it then what is the point. Health care systems in particular take on a whole new importance whether finding your way around the NHS or in private care. However, surviving cancer doesn’t turn you into Pollyanna. Being alive doesn’t change the bathroom leak, not having a garden or the fact that there is always being so much month left at the end of the money. 2. Family and friends really are the most important thing in my life and cancer really sorts the wheat from the chaff. The best thing about being ill was not having to go to work and spending time with my children. Also I had lots of visits from my mum and dad and long conversations on the phone to my sister. It was all about me… I shouldn’t miss that, I need to move on. 3. Most men, my husband true to form, can’t talk about cancer in their loved ones. What they do is more important. My husband came home early for most of the year I was ill. He can now take both of my children out for an hour or so without any help. (He does still have to have the bag packed for him and nothing could cure his washing up blindness but hey he was there) 4. Chemo sucks. It is as bad as they say and it stays with you. I still can’t stand the smell of certain things and red liquids still have me running a mile. Needles still scare the hell out of me… I didn’t get used to them. 5. When people say, “How are you?” they generally want to hear that you are fine. Having or having had cancer does not change this social custom. It does not give you the right to go into a list of your ailments. 6. When people ask, “Are you better now?” they care about you, they are not being insensitive. The answer, “Better? I have had cancer; it will be always be a sword of Damocles hanging over me. I am in remission and that is as good as it is going to get!” is not the correct one. “Yes, I am fine now thank you for your concern,” is a much better one. People care about you and are asking because they do, a lecture on cancer is not what they need or they will stop talking to the bolshie old cow that has had cancer. 7. Talking about having one breast is not an acceptable topic of conversation. It makes people in general and men in particular uncomfortable and is unnecessary. Generally people do not want to be reminded that you have had cancer. When your friend complains about how she will look in a swimming costume the answer, “well at least you have 2 boobs to fill it.” Is not one that will make her or you feel any better. When drunk the chant of “get yer tits out for the boys” should not see you whipping out your chicken fillet and waving it around the bar. Besides you obviously shouldn’t be drinking anything other than the odd glass of red wine. 8. As an exception to rule 6: some find the funny side (Javier) and you can have a laugh at your own expense with them if you want. Sometimes its good to get it off your chest so to speak. I worried on holiday that if my costume slipped instead of any eye-full people would get an eye-empty. We found it funny but not everyone would. 9. Make life style changes you can deal with. Making sure you eat 6 portions of fruit and vegetables is easier than getting rid of all meat from your diet (especially in Mexico). Vegetable juice (sound yuk but you can get used to it) or soups are good ways of ticking one or more of your portions for the day. Restricting sugar is easier than not eating any. Alternating green with ordinary tea is easier than never having a cuppa. Restrict your microwave use don’t take it to Oxfam, there will still be days when you need it. Take an antioxidant; you don’t have to move out of the city. Yoga 3 times a week is more of a possibility than everyday. I rushed to my class the other day and when I looked down during “down dog” I noticed I had a baby sick on my trousers, just doing the yoga doesn’t make you Madonna but hey go ahead and have some you time. Make some time for you but don’t be a cancer bore. Moderation in all things…? And you don’t have to do everything at once. 10. Keep planning. Start to think about next week’s dinner party; plan next year’s holiday; don’t cancel your pension. Positive thinking isn’t necessarily Pollyanna thinking and it doesn’t mean “Smile it may never happen,” it already has, but if you are lucky enough to be in remission or even just getting by day to day, visualising yourself here next week, next year or in 20 years time may just help a bit. 11. I couldn’t keep it to 10… There will always be someone worse off than you, whether in health terms, economics or health care distribution. However, that shouldn’t distract from your own experience. Cancer is cancer and not the flu (swine or otherwise). It scares and humbles us even if it is just one shite year of breast cancer.