Hi everyone ...Our friend Brian has gone home now but will be back around a week on wed/thurs too long for me lol ..the house seems like a different place and we cant thank Brian enough for what he has done for both of us ...he has looked after me wonderfully as Ken cant be here right now and i know its been of some comfort to ken knowing that i was being looked after and not alone ..i have a wonderful daughter who is a nurse and has two small boys whom i love so very much so she, as much as she has been my rock she cant be here 24/7 she is however coming with me tomorrow as i get checked in for my chemo/RT wish i could come home the same day but as its cispaltin i am getting i need all the fluids that go with it so has to be Tuesday after its finished and my RT done before i get home ...I hope that my chemo has not too many side effects and that i can cope ok.... like everyone here knows and goes through that awful feeling of being ill knowing its the cure thats making us feel ill how starnge that all is but thanks be to God we have the doctors and people who work tirelessly behind the scenes to make us well again and work towards a cure for this awful disease ....i am dreading nightime never did like nightime but for some reason being alone fills me with dread ..I hope that once i get things started tomorow i might calm down a little fear of the unknown is an awful thing Marie Curie once said ...Nothing in life is to be feared. it has only to be understood ....How is wish i could adopt that outlook into my life ..I feel i fight againts myself and my feelings all the time its as if i am frightened to not be frightened if that makes any sense i am scared to let go of that fear in case it comes back to haunt me ...how deep do i sound ...anyway have all my treatments numbered on my big white board and will mark each one off as it its compleated ...have my bag semi packed you would think i was going in for the week taking laptop in and if feeling ok might get the chance to watch the movie the kings speach ...feel i want to keep writing on the site tonight as it stops me from missing my friend he has a heart of gold and has sat here and watched me cry and given me a cuddle and just calmed me down when i was feeling overwhelmed and tried really hard to get my mind into thinking positive and to take one day at a time ...God Bless and watch over everyone who is suffering in some way tonight may you find a peace inside and a strength to see you through the hard times .
Love and hugs
Jan x
FormerMember
Hi Jan
sorry you have to be alone tonight I know you are scared, have you tried the chat line sometimes its busy and the talk may seem trivial but we are all there to help when we can it might keep you occupied for a while help the time pass, everyone either has cancer or cares for someone who has so understands all the fears you have.
Remember you have come quite a way already against all your fears so you are stronger than you believed .I will be thinking of you tomorrow
Jan we are starting this together and we will get through it and be there for each other ok! if you feel down or scared im here and vice versa. we are strong and can do this remeber that!!
it will be worth it to beat this thing and get on with our lives!
chin up chick this is 6 weeks we can get through it!
Thinking of you today and sending lots of love and hugs. You do have the strength to get through this and hopefully you will start to feel more positive about the future.
