I've gone through a mix of emotions since fixing the appointment for my colonoscopy the other day. Not looking forward to the day before - fasting and Klean Prep (to clear out the bowel - advice to stay near a loo), and not looking forward to the investigation itself (going through the stoma will be weird but probably less uncomfortable than the scope through the rectum last year).
It is a reminder of how life was turned upside down some 18 months ago when a similar investigation showed that the suspected internal piles were in fact a far more sinister tumour. I want to put it all behind me and forget about it, but the fact they are still keeping an eye on me and that this type of investigation will be annual for a few, as-yet-unspecfied-number-of years, brings back some of the trauma and is a reminder that I can't assume that I have absolutely, 100% definitely seen the end of this disease.
That said, I certainly behave (and feel) as though it is a thing of the past so having gone through a small wobble when faced with the reality of these tests I am now back to business as usual.
On the positive side - where I normally like to focus - the investigation is to be done by the surgeon who performed the operation on me this time last year. I am very pleased about this as I hadn't really thought it could be an option and rather expected to see someone else (less senior?). I have every confidence in her so if there is anything remotely not as it should be then I'm sure she'll be on the case straight away. She can admire my tiny keyhole scars that she made so neat while she's at it!
B will be coming back from his work in Wales on Tuesday night to be with me on Wednesday which is great. It's some major week for him too - but more of that another time perhaps....
