It has been a while since I last blogged an update the title of the blog should explain why!!!!
Alot has happened in the last 2 weeks.
Aunt and cousin came over for four days to give help and support, it was great to be able to laugh at the situation for once. They went home about a week ago and things have steadily been in decline ever since.
Mum has had some good days and very bad days. The difference in her in the last two weeks is heart breaking she can't walk properly, she can't talk properly - though when she is really angry at us she seems to find the will to tell us clearly and forcefully, so maybe she is just ignoring us the rest of the time lol. Wondering if I can use her will to do the opposite of what I ask to make her eat and drink?!?!?
I had reached the sad realisation today that as I can't make her eat or drink sufficiently I was going to have to bough to pressure from the nurses and let them admit her into hospital again, as this is the only tactic I have had for the last two weeks to get her to eat or drink anything it really broke my heart because in hospital they don't have the time or staff to sit with her and make her eat so she just doesn't!!! Although she drank a litre of water yesterday (which is not a usual occurance) the food issue is just getting worse. I can get her to eat the equivalent of a jar of baby food a few times a day if I'm lucky, it just depends on how co-operative she is feeling or should I say how co-operative her stomach is feeling both have their own unique ways of telling me NO!!!
So there I was feeling like a traitor telling my dad that we have no choice but to put her in hospital because at least there they can get enough fluid into her. He was upset because he thinks/knows once she goes in she will not be coming home again. Then I rang my Aunt to tell her my decision all the while crying into the rice pudding I was making from scratch to tempt mums taste buds, never knew I could be this domesticated :) so I told her I was going to ring the doctor to start the ball rolling so when the nurses arrive tomorrow they wouldn't feel the need to make me feel like I was torturing puppies or the like by doing what my mum has asked of me by keeping her here at home.
Thankfully our doctor knows us well and both he and the hospital have said she is better of at home as she can't cope being in hospital so they have prescribed me glucose drips to be given to her at home, The nurse will arrive tomorrow to watch me perform the task for the first time and if I manage it ok they are willing to let me do these for her. See I told you all to just call me 'Florence'. My friend who is a nurse came by tonight to put up the first one and also to intervene on my behalf with the nurses to tell them she thought I was competent enough to perform the task. Incase some of you don't know, I live in France and although my french is passable for day to day things arguing my point when very emotional is not possible because I get too frustrated and start to cry, then the nurses start thinking it's me that needs medical care!!!. Luckily the drip is not into a vein or via the hickman line so it is just like giving an insulin injection but you leave the needle in till the bottle is done, well that and set up the line as my friend said 'you don't live in a s***hole and as long as you wash your hands etc there shouldn't be a problem especially as you don't need to worry about air bubbles in the line, of course it is easier if there aren't any but if there is one it wont kill her'. Unfortunately she did say to me that unless there is a miracle this is only palliative care.
So sat here praying for a miracle because I'm not ready for this to be the start of the end :'(
I'm going to go now, so to all you out there reading this, hugs & best wishes
Helen xxx
