I'm feeling pretty devastated right now - mum has deteriorated over the last 5 days and she was meant to be coming home from the hospice tomorrow, I cleared her room out to make way for the special bed (which is all set up and ready to go) and my daughter is preparing to decorate the room with all things Christmassy (like a little tree and tiny baubles!) - and the hospice rang me this morning to say her discharge has been 'deferred'. She has a chest infection - which I know about as I see her every day - but they want to give it more time to respond to the anti-biotics. She also has thrush in her mouth and an abcess in her throat. I knew in my heart that she wouldn't be able to come home yet, as yesterday she was so poorly and weak, but it still made me cry because I wanted her to be here with me and my family, and feel some proper warmth that only a loving family can provide.
I spent two hours with her this afternoon, wrapped her up and took her outside (she still wants to light a cigarette even though she can't inhale!!!!) and then I took her in for wash with the nurse, and she was too weak to even brush her own teeth. I sat on the bed with her and asked her if she wanted me to bring anything in for her tomorrow and she said 'you know, I've been thinking about that - and I have a head full of wonderful memories, so I don't need anything else' - the words of a woman who has really lived her life to the full - THANK GOD!
I hate this awful terrible thing that has come into our lives, and I have never felt such a mixture of emotions - hate, anger, desparation, sadness, sorrow - all at the same time.
Thinking of you all as always,
Hannah xxx
FormerMember
SO SORRY TO HEAR YOUR MUM NOT WELL ENOUGH TO COME HOME YET. MUMS ARE THE MOST PRECIOUS PEOPLE IN THE WORLD AND YOUR MUM OBVIOUSLY KNOWS HOW MUCH YOU LOVE AND CHERISH HER. MY MUM DIED AT XMAS LAST YEAR AND SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND, I LOVED HER MORE THAN I CAN SAY. TEARS ARE RUNNING DOWN MY CHEEK AS I WRITE THIS JUST THINKING OF THAT MOST WONDERFUL LADY MY MUM. YOUR MUM SOUNDS LIKE A WONDERFUL LADY TOO. MAKE SURE YOU TELL HER HOW WONDERFUL SHE IS ( I AM SURE YOU DO ANYWAY ). I AM WISHING THAT SHE RECOVERS REALLY QUICKLY SO YOU CAN HAVE HER HOME SOON SO YOU CAN SPOIL HER ROTTEN. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND GIVE MUM A HUG FROM US ALL AND TELL HER WE ALL ARE WISHING HER WELL.
Huge thanks to you all for your lovely comments and thoughts - I'm convinced they make a difference.
Sitting in bed listening to my music as I write and reminiscing about wonderful times with my mum, sister and brother and feeling so very proud that she is my mum and she has made such a difference to the lives of others. Some people come into this world, live their lives and go and others make a dent and change things for others for the better. My mum has a huge crater to her credit and lots of people walking around with a little piece of her in them - she has given strength, wisdom, common sense, humour, kindness, support and love to so many people during the course of her lifetime. She has organised numerous school trips for east end kids who probably never would've travelled further than southend - she organised two huge school shows which gave everyone who took part such a sense of belonging - she championed the underdog always, because someone did that for her once and she never forgot. Her teaching job - 21 years in the same east end school - was her life and while she gave to it, it gave to her by the same token. In her words, it took 'an ordinary girl, with little academic ability and made her into an extraordinary person who was able to contribute to the lives of others'.
Think of me as I go into this most difficult period and I'm sure your strength will help.
