Ongoing battle

Well I do not feel like blogging but this is part of the journey so here goes. Thursday we received devastating news, all of the tumours have grown under the funded chemo which our hopes were resting on. We were called into the consultation room and in front of us was a desk and tissues.. I always thought that when the team with whom we have become so familiar with said goodbye to us it would be for positive reasons. I was straining to concentrate and absorb every bit of Information but when it come to saying goodbye that was it for me and the lump I had been forcing back down erupted into tears. Not proud of myself as Fabe managed to be brave. The shock was too much and I had to quickly get to the toilets to shake in peace and gain some composure to support Fabe. Fabe is not just my fiancé, he is my life, my soulmate, my hopes and dreams and the person that makes my life worth living. My absolute everything and to say I love him just doesn't convey my feelings with enough force. We will be together 10 years in April and they are the best 10 years of my life. We got together when we were 22. He makes me laugh, is kind, loyal, funny and strong. We can never spend enough time together. We never argue, only minor disagreements that are discussed. I am beyond devastated and completely heartbroken but there is hope and I am going to keep focussing on that glimmer of light. Where we are going to get the energy from I am not sure but we will do this and win the battle in the end. We are lucky to have some blessings in our lives, family, friends and work colleagues and Mac family:) for that and for hope we are extremely grateful. J x