People send me cards from time to time. Sometimes they're people I don't even know, other than from the internet.
I got one of these today, and the timing couldn't have been better; I had another panic attack last night, and was in a bad state. Luckily I was able to see an emergency doctor this morning, and now have diazepam. I feel much better, and a bit stupid and embarrassed. There is absolutely no logic to…
- Major panic attack Sunday night
-Three-hour wait for out-of-hours doctor
- Discovery that there is only one out-of-hours doctor for North Oxfordshire almost triggers another panic attack
- Routine appointment with oncologist on Monday morning
- Nausea, headache, hurty tummy
- Asked if I could lie down
- Got to lie down for the next two days in bed on hospital ward
- Totally unprepared, had to send Judy home then…
Seriously. Yesterday I couldn't get arrested - not that I was trying to get arrested, but the Churchill had gone all sullen and uncommunicative, painted its bedroom ceiling black, and was playing My Chemical Romance on an infinite repeating loop; today I've been beating them off with a stick.
It probably goes without saying that nobody got back to me on the chemo/surgery question on Monday; I wasn't really expecting…
It was a funny week, last week. Not that they're not all a bit strange these days, what with the way everything has to revolve around cancer, in pure defiance of Galileo, but mostly what I do is spend my life sitting around, usually feeling guilty about sitting around and being sure that there ought to be something terribly useful and meaningful I could do if I could only just think of it.
Last week, though ... well…
Funny old thing, that cancer - yes, indeed, I see you all laughing already. Here I am with a tummy full of foreign bodies doing their best to mount a coup d'état against my internal organs, but a lot of the time I don't really feel all that bad. Then - of course - I feel like a terrible fraud and a hypochondriac and a Burden on the State and lord knows what-all else.
Then there are days like today when one…
