- Major panic attack Sunday night
-Three-hour wait for out-of-hours doctor
- Discovery that there is only one out-of-hours doctor for North Oxfordshire almost triggers another panic attack
- Routine appointment with oncologist on Monday morning
- Nausea, headache, hurty tummy
- Asked if I could lie down
- Got to lie down for the next two days in bed on hospital ward
- Totally unprepared, had to send Judy home then back again to pick up clothes and wash stuff
- EKG, X-rays, CT scan, ultrasound, stomach drain
- No sleep. Bajillions of sympathy to the poor lady with pneumonia, but ...
- Not much fun, but, as the tummy draining doctor said,- "If anything goes wrong, you're in the right place"
None of this was much fun, truthfully. However, the good news is that my oncologist came to see me, put her hand on my arm and looked intently into my eyes and assured me they "hadn't given up yet".
So I should bloody well hope.
Although ... although you're not supposed to say so, sometimes the thought of just dying quietly in my sleep is quite attractive. But shhhhh! Don't quote me. Everyone thinks I'm being Terribly Brave. Poor fools, little do they know. Inside, I'm screaming.
