At the Hospice

We have arrived now at the Hospice. Despite my very best efforts Hubby declined over the weekend and after one of the most stressful 48 hours of my life we are finally here. Saturday morning seems years ago now, in these final anxious days each hour seems like one day . We were very fortunate to have a space here and for anyone who is undecided about the Hospice experience I would like to reassure them . My horror and anxiety has turned to calm and with such great support here. We made the right decision. I thought I could cope with it all on my own but facing a possible catastrophic bleed at any time from his jugular vein finally brought it home to me how much I was in over my head . It all seemed such a complicated build up and I was naive in thinking I would be able to cope. The differences that one or two individuals can make can never be overestimated. The delightful Marie Curie nurse who arrived like an angel in the night on Saturday persuaded me to stick to what I felt was right and what hubby and I had planned. Thank goodness I listened to her and despite being told it would be very difficult and was a gamble moving him with his high risk I pursued the plan. Another angel here recognised symptoms that had been overlooked by the doctors and the simple procedure of inserting a catheter brought the raging and twitching bull under control . A simple task which needed to be sorted. His anxiety levels just dropped and we have managed to regain something of something . He's very poorly. There will be no going home now. I am a huge mixed up bag of emotion and sorrow. The turmoil is like torture. So the story begins it's end here now . I've been with him every step of the way and I'm still here, right by his side. My rare and gentle husband whom I love more than any other person who walks on this beautiful earth. Right by his side x