Cancer and the Quake

Hi Horse,

  I, Like Max, totally 'get; where you are coming from. People at work moan about their problems sometimes, and then look at me and say, but its nothing compared with yours.

  And you know what? I don't agree!! I know that my friend Nicky, for example is worrying only about being single once more with two grown up girls, and going out on the dating scene again after her husband left her for a younger model. Another friend is worried about some financial arrangements. Someone else is bothered about something else - all seemingly trivial things compared to having cancer and going through the treatments, whatever they may be.

  But, my path is set. Whatever treatment I have or don't have in my case, whatever goes right or wrong, within a few years we shall have a very clear idea of just how sharply my path is set. But it is set, and there is one inevitable conclusion - and one that neither frightens nor worries me. Their problems have unknown paths - Nicky having to face dating again, wondering whether she'll meet anyone else, does she even want to, does she want to live alone - so many questions, and unknowns. And financial arrangements? I don't really need to worry anymore, do I? I mean, I am not rich, and still have outgoings from my bank so I am obliged to work, and actually I like my job so I wouldnt want to give it up until I had to, but I don't need to worry about pension plans anymore. I am 43, and will be lucky if I see 50. My NHS pension into which I have paid methodically for over 20 years will pay out in 20 years time - to my husband and son, not me. I cannot access it, and need not worry if it will cover my needs!!

There are so many things suddenly that I just don't have to worry about anymore. Yes, it is frightening and all that, this cancer thing, but in an obscure way it is quite liberating. Yes, I need to concern myself about day to day issues - it is not a license to be irresponsible, but there are so many things I can just let go of, which is actually quite nice. Nice, in an odd way, you understand! All I have to really worry about is making my peace with those I need to, make sure I am leaving things tidy, and then enjoy the remaining time and make it as nice as possible for husband and son - mostly my son.

 These are nice things to worry about. I do not envy my friend's and colleagues' worries, and do not envy the schoolkids as they start out. I know not everyone has a bad time, but actually I seem to have been fighting one thing after another for so many years, and have not had it very straightforward. I'm not complaining, you understand - we all have our own battles, everyone is fighting some sort of battle, even if you can't obviously see it.

 It is, in that obscure way, a relief to stop fighting, to relax and concentrate on the worries I have said - the worry of making 'now' nice. What a nice thing to worry about.

I hope all is settling over there. It was a bad one, and I feel desperate for people as they wait, others as they find out news whether good or bad. Either means emotional upheaval. Worst is the waiting - and possibly the never knowing. One is better knowing bad news, than never knowing, I think. How the McCanns have got through I will never understand - and all the families like them who have their loved one taken and they never know what has happened.

Sorry, I am rambling a little. The short version is that I liked your original posting, and agreed with it!! Sorry, it is the Welsh in me - never say in three words what you can say in fifteen!!!

Keep those chins up!

Love,

Ali   xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Japan has just suffered an 8.9 quake causing a huge Tsnamui.

My heart, my thoughts and my sympathies are with you all.

Once again - TIME - a sheer moment of time - can change EVERYTHING you have ever known, relied on and loved.

The sheer foundations of life have been shaken - moving all believed to be solid, stable and dependable - shock waves - like ripples are literally sent around the world.

As its sea of disaster unfolds we are reminded of the ripple effect of life. How everyone and everything are loosely intertwined. And once again how suddenly unimportant the little things are. Posessions - careers - annoyances - suddenly the importance of PEOPLE and lives is back again in the fore.

For every minute be grateful - for every breath be thankful -

Once again - prayers and symathies

And there it is!

Proof - that no matter how bad things may seem for you - no matter how dark and hopeless your situation - if you look - there will always be someone worse off than you.

I wholeheartedly agree with Ali - everyone has their own battles - each is different and important.

The trick seems to be - through any battle - to cherish every moment - learn any lesson - and realise that others have their struggles too

Many are slightly different - but different does not necesssarily mean easier. And even in OUR darkest hour or moment - there are those worse off than us - and if we can share our lessons learnt, our empathy and support - perhaps good will come from what may seem a hopeless situation.

Sometimes what we have to offer may seem insufficient or unimportant in the other persons struggle - but ultimately every act of good faith will touch someone - perhaps at the moment it is needed the most.

Support and hugs to you all