Hi Guys, Its me again - some of you picked up on my blog last Friday - had a bit of unexpected news that my current treatment is starting to fail and need to look for an alternative. The cancer has become active again and the tumours are growing, knew they would one day, just thought it would be another few years yet before the hormone treatment failed. Maybe a reminder we are all vunerable.
Anyway now waiting for an Oncologist appointment, in no doubt that a different treatment will be found to slow everything down for another period. Knew almost from day one that it was inoperable and would get me in time - so maybe became a little to laid back and resigned to the inevitable. Still got things to do and got time to do them so why the panic ?
Right I made a major error last week, I got the news lunchtime Friday and writing a blog at teatime saying how good I was - LOL. You really think I had considered every aspect of the news - maybe not !
Well over the weekend I got beaten up with the worst Verbal Butt Kicking you can ever imagine, followed by another attack were I was picked up by the scruff of the neck and shaken violently - hell and these people call themselves friends - lol !!
Well it worked - after licking my wounds I took on board their messages that I only have one life - that it is mine and that it is too precious to leave to the responsibility to others.
So from yesterday I have become the Controller - not the Controlled ! I am not going to sit around waiting for the oncology appointment, then have delays happening because recent test results are not available. It appears the activity is doubling every 6 months if it continues at the present rate.
Got an emergency appointment today with my GP. Requested an urgent set of bloods to establish my PSA - an indicator of the Cancer activity and a Testosterone Blood test - the Cancer grows on this Hormone - results to be marked urgent and may even get them back by Friday, Monday latest. I now want these on a monthly basis - unless I understand how my body is reacting and the rate of increase I cannot be in control ! Not getting locked into figures - they don't matter in isolation - its the rate of increase I need to monitor and try to address the trend !
Next tackled my Olympic Couch Potato Status !! - started doing exercise - hell already found muscles I had forgotten could ache. Next its the Swimming baths ! Seems they are on a free pass - may yet be affected by cuts - but take them while I can. Diet, here I do OK - already like most veg and love fish of any sort - do OK with fruit too.
Maybe like soft cheese a bit too much and OK will admit that although red wine is high in anti-oxidants - think the bucket quantities may be pushing it a bit - so laying off 3 or 4 nights a week and reducing the amount on weekend night - but hell we are all allowed some perks huh?
As well as the verbal attacks I was stunned by the depth of feelings and love expressed and offers of support of every conceivable type from my friends. With Friends all things are possible and maybe where I was reluctant to fight on my own behalf I need to fight now to protect my friends from being hurt by my lack of care for myself.
So I am still so good - still got things to do and will do them But now stepping up rather than stepping back and accepting that the level of care the professionals thought was good enough is just not acceptable.
If People have never experienced the Power of the Love of the Mac Family their lives are empty !!
I Am a Very Special Person and I am Unique - Just as Every One of You are !!
If my friends think I am worth fighting for then I am ! Between us We can achieve so much more than I can alone - Thank you Guys - the fight is on, seconds out !!
Love and Hugs to all
J XX
