Was a while before Cristmas, and all through the house
Nothing was stirring, not even a mouse.
Sounds like another lovely Christmas story maybe ? Sound of children singing carols, warm fires, twinkling lights, warm fires and hot mice pies. Well not always, some times it means they have gone to bed early, its easier to keep warm there than burn gas or electric and its not as though anyone will call anyway.
So the reason they have no money, life and friends - they made a major mistake in their life - they chose to care and love for a cancer patient !!. They gave up their lives without it being asked because they loved someone, a Parent, Partner, child or relative. They walked with them and did all they could to ease their pain, sooth thier fears and held their hands when even the morphine did not work !
They stayed up all night trying to let the loved one rest and sleep. The least sound woke them so maybe they suffered for a while, difficult to sleep with one eye and ear open. Even put a camp bed in the same room to be close. So now 3 am and time change to the bedding and night clothes - dry them off and make sure they are comfortable - means another day washing and drying. Might be an idea to leave things soaking in the bath. 5 am - ok start again - but hell I had to wash anyway - must get some more nighties or PJ's maybe ? Tricks of the trade - well tuck in at the waiste now, does stop them getting soiled as badly.
Moved on a stage now - the end was not so bad really - they are no longer in pain and at least we were together - might even be called peaceful, just not sure it was known I was there but at least I know I was. Do not really remember the funeral so well - think maybe still in a little shock - glad we included thoses songs and hymes they wanted. So many thing I want to say now - but did not have the words at the time and think its too late.
It was so nice to see so many friends there, ready to offer words of sympathy and offers of help, hear the happy memories they had and would always be ready to help in anyway. Some really beautiful floral tributs - must of cost so much !
Strange to think that was only 2 years ago, last year was tough - first one alone, some of the cards still arrived addresed to both of us - that brought tears to the eyes - each one a reminder of what could never be again. Seems odd that only 3 people phoned to ask how I was and only one couple called. It all seemed a bit akward, they were calling somewhere else so could only stay a little, but did have a mince pie, so glad I got those.
This last year - bit tougher - had so much to deal with, the garden - not sure what wrong with the mower - does it need petrol or something else ? garden looks like a jungle, taken years to get it right and so short a time for it to revert to a jungle. the house, well its is called an overflow so maybe its meant to pour out like that ? Must call the RAC the fact the car need tax can't be the reason it does not start can it. Not going to bother with insurance now - if it gets stolen means they of got it stared so maybe worth it?
The friends that promised to call, support and be there - Ok they have families they need to be there for them - almost 6 months since the phone rang - maybe a way to save money there ! - not had a visitor for 8 months - but then they are busy and you cannot expect them to be at your beck and call !
Maybe if we had had children it would of been different - but now alone in a big world - the pension was reduced just when it was needed to increase - got the funeral paid for and never really wanted the jewellery anyway - just wish there had been enough for a head stone to say they existed, but I know they did so maybe thats whats important ?
This is not a true story !!! - Sorry if this has brought anyone down !! - I am a patients trying to remind you how much we owe the carers and how little they get back !!. Forget Cancer every person living on their own has a story to tell - please find time to write a card for that odd old lady who always has her curtains drawn, the old guy you see shuffling past your gate with his tin of soup and tin of cat food. They have lived a life and may even be a forgotten hero.
If you do not say hi you may miss a very iimportant experience ! Christmas is a time for giving - Please give a stranger on thier own 10 minutes of your life - we Know ours may be limited - but come on 10 mins is that too much to ask ??
I Hope you all have the most fantatic Xmas ever - live every second and love till it hurts xxx
Love and hugs to all
John xx
