OK Probably time for an update - it was 22nd October 2008 when I was discharged from Oldham Hospital after 12 days, being told the only treatment available to me for Inoperable Advanced Carcinoma Prostate was 3 monthly hormone injections to stop my body producing Testosterone - the male hormone - this should be effective for a few years, until my pituatary gland takes over the production - so I suddenly became chemically castrated.
To be honest there were few psychological effects despite the loss of sexual function that I had from this. I did not feel my Masculinity had been taken away and already being in a relationship was not a worry factor to me.
Physical side effects ? OK yes the loss of function - but maybe the worst aspect, me going through the equivalent to the change of life ! Complete with hot flushed, Night Sweats, Weight Gain and yes the dreaded Moobs ! Male Boobs.
Mine were not too physically noticeable - but bloody hell were they tender !! I was not aware that I could of had a short course of Radio Therapy to the breasts, prior to the hormone treatment to reduce that problem. I did mention in my original Bio that I also started taking another Hormone, Cyproterone Acetate, after about 6 months to reduce the breast tenderness and this has worked great.
So how is life now ? Great ! - I have mentioned on other occasions that just prior to the original planned date for surgery, July 2008, I had a heart attack. Sound strange but maybe the best thing that could of happened to me at that stage in my life.
Same as most Ca Patients when they are diagnosed, in January, I went through several stages, even though I was prepared for the result of the Biopsy to be positive. OK - first the Denial - it can't be me, then the Shock, the Numb Feeling and maybe that Dark Lonely Place - knowing someone has just told me I had been condemned and was now on Death Row !
My Situation was not improved when after my first MRI and Bone Scan I was told that it seemed mine was locally advanced and had affected the lymph System and if this proved to be the case then there would be no advantage in looking at Radio or Chemo Therapy as they would not be effective. If it progresses to the bones then Radio Therapy could be used locally for pain relief.
Over the next few months I did some research and maybe took some time out to consider my priorities and alternatives, I took back some control of my life and maybe did manage to get some positivity back.
Then the heart attack ! It happened in Wales and I was admitted to hospital, with me protesting it was only bad indigestion ! - so they plugged me in to a Morphine drip, oxygen mask, a monitor and who knows what else - too be honest did not take too much notice. They spent 3 days - got me stabilised then at 1am in the morning transfered me to Liverpool Cardiac Hospital - my own Nurse, 2 paramedic and an ambulance with blue lights flashing - again I was still little pre-occupied so maybe some of the excitement was lost on me ! In Liverpool they carried out an angioplasty and fitted a couple of stents. I was discharged a few days later.
But being in the Hospital bed, staring at a tiled ceiling for a few days, changed my out look on life, I realised I could of gone in the first 5 minutes with no notice !
Now in October 2008, on being confirmed I had inoperable Prostate Cancer and had a few years left, seemed like Fantastic News. !
It meant I had the time to tell people I loved them - to say sorry to those I may of hurt - to build bridges with friends I had neglected. So many never get that opportunity - they may leave the house in the morning, maybe even after a row or shouting at the kids - and they never return.
I know I am dying - but then everyone, sick or well is, from the day we are born every day we get one day closer - just maybe some of us get some notice or a wake up call ! I know I take full advantage of that and try to get the max from everyday - there is always something good to be found if you look.
I will continue to need to have 3 monthly blood and liver function tests as well as the hormone injections - but so far my results stay good !
So maybe not everything about Ca is just doom and gloom ?
'I Believe I Can Be As Happy As I Make MY Mind Up To Be !!! '
Love & Hugs
John xx
