‘Have you ever met someone who made your heart warm, simply by being by your side?’
Losing someone close to us can be one of the most difficult things a person can go through. Coping with the loss of that person, and navigating grief can be really hard. But what if you aren’t old enough to fully understand why the person you love isn’t here anymore?
In today’s Community News Blog, we hear from our wonderful guest blogger K, who sadly lost her mother in law D to cancer in 2020. As well as coping with her own grief, K also had to help her young daughter E come to terms with the loss of her beloved grandmother.
We all know how important it is to talk about loss and how you are feeling when you are grieving, but how do you talk about loss with a child who may be too young to fully understand the situation?
Today, K tells her story, and how creating a book all about her wonderful mother in law with her daughter really helped them both. Below K tells us more about the process of writing their book, and we have included some extracts of k’s writing as well as some beautiful drawings by E.
Here is K’s story:
‘There was once a very special lady, whose kindness changed the world.’
“My wonderful mother-in-law, D, was diagnosed with cancer in 2017. She sadly passed away in 2020. Nobody is ever ready to lose a special person. My five-year-old daughter, E, was certainly not ready and, when we received the news, my first thought was for this beautiful little soul, who had been so very close to her grandmother. How do you tell a young child that their favourite person is no longer here?
“How do you tell a young child that their favourite person is no longer here?”
It was very difficult to know how to age-appropriately answer E’s questions that followed our sad news, though understandable that she was asking them all. So, once having learned to feel more comfortable in our grief, we would sit down to create a fairy tale together, in honour of D.
‘We would sit down to create a fairy tale together, in honour of D’
The idea of special souls being sent from the sun, to make our world a better place, came to me during a teary- eyed jog through a field shortly after losing D. I was comforted by the warmth of the sun on my face and thought about how the sunshine can often have the power to make even the darkest of times in life seem a little lighter.
I secretly believe that D somehow sent the idea, which E and I then translated onto paper, through my words and her drawings.
‘One day, many years ago, it was noticed that the world seemed sad. The Sun King decided he would send down his purest, shiniest beams of love to walk among the people, in the hope of making things better.’
I had made a list beforehand of the many special qualities of D that I wanted to include in the book, and the extraordinary acts of kindness she would often selflessly and effortlessly perform. E captured her beautiful nature in her wonderfully innocent illustrations.
There, unintentionally, began our journey of art therapy. We initially printed the book as a gift for my husband and father-in-law, but, soon after, published the book on online.
‘There, unintentionally, began our journey of art therapy.’
As we were in the midst of the pandemic, surrounded by so much sadness and uncertainty, we decided to donate copies of our book to schools, hospices, charities, libraries and individuals across the UK, and have since donated more than 300 copies.
‘It has been a privilege to share the book in her honour’
D had spent some of her life working as a bereavement counsellor, and much of her spare time generally helping people. It has been a privilege to share the book in her honour, in the hope that it may help other people in times of sadness.
‘There was very little consideration for herself as the lady danced around her small part of the world, casting love. Her yellow soul was a powerful magnet, which had become a sun in its own right, shining fiercely and incessantly.’
I would love to think that the creative process has helped E, who is now 7 and has proudly exhibited her artwork at various galleries including ‘The Art of Grieving Festival’ at St Albans Museum + Gallery, and attended ‘Light up a Life’ ceremonies at a local hospice, sharing our story.
‘I will always smile at the idea of them being young and playing together’
Shortly before she passed, D had had a dream that she and E were both children, and sitting in a class at school together as friends. It brought warmth to my heart to hear this – kindred spirits, 3 generations apart. I will always smile at the idea of them being young and playing together.
‘A grandchild expressed a hint of restlessness during a visit, she would scoop them up and take them on a magical journey, effortlessly teaching them about the beauty of life; always there to be found if you looked hard enough.’
I actually studied creative writing at university many years ago but, until now, had not really harnessed those skills. Some say a good story should come from the heart. This one truly exploded from our hearts, to the extent that it almost created itself.
‘Have you ever met someone who made your heart warm, simply by being by your side? Then, the chances are, they were a love beam, sent directly from the sun.
And you are very lucky to have known them.’
I asked E what her favourite part of the book was and she said it was the last illustration, in which D’s friends and family are together, surrounded by her yellow light.
‘Some say a good story should come from the heart. This one truly exploded from ours.’
Every fairy tale needs a happy ending, after all.
‘Keep the light shining.’
We want to thank K for taking the time to write about her experiences today. Here on the team, we know how important shared experiences can be and how it can help people to know they are not alone in what they are going through. K and E have certainly helped support others by creating their book together and sharing it with so many people who are coping with bereavement.
Talking to children about loss can be tough, but there is support out there.
Below are some resources to help you:
If you have been affected by loss and experienced navigating those difficult conversations with children, or young people, why not comment below to help others who may be facing a similar situation? Together we can support one another through.
This blog is dedicated to K’s mother in law D, who is truly loved and missed by her family.
