I cannot believe how many people have sent condolence cards, letters, flowers and food this week. My neighbour made me a lovely Victoria sponge and a friend made me a spag bol to heat up for my dinner. My eldest daughter has been feeding me too and yesterday I had decided to walk down to the village to have my hair cut, go to the solicitor to pick up Peter's will, order the flowers for the funeral next Thursday and go for an appointment with the bank. I wanted to do this myself but my youngest daughter 'just happened' to be passing my house as I left it (we live in a cul de sac in the corner of the estate!) So I did manage to persuade her to let me walk back home and was so proud of myself..........not one tear passed my cheek.
This morning I received a beautiful letter from the Oncologist, stating that he felt awful being the bearer of bad tidings to Peter each time we went there, especially as Peter had been so brave in all the treatments he had endured with no good outcome. He has offerred us an appointment to go see him if we have any questions regarding Peter's care as it may help with the grieving process!
The bank was hysterical. The manager was trying to persuade me I should use a solicitor. I said I was perfectly capable of dealing with a simple will with little work but I think he thought this a silly idea. He then carried on about our Insurance payments, he couldn't understand why I was making three payments a month....I pointed out that one was buildings, one contents and one an emergency cover. He said that he (Lloyds TSB) could do better than that for me........I said, that's interesting.......it was you I dealt with????? I was then able to tell him that by Wednesday I had sorted out the pensions, bereavement benefits, funeral arrangements, car insurance, breakdown policy, Inland Revenue and lots of other things.
The only thing I have messed up this week is I didn't include the girls in on the vicars visit. I had typed out a nice story covering Peter's life but not asked them if they had anything to add. I feel awful now but will contact the Minister on Monday to rectify this. I was trying to save them anymore grief I suppose. We are not having a religious ceremony so he is going to ask people to reflect on Peter's life instead of saying a prayer. After he read the story he said he felt as if he knew Peter well and that he had a good sense of humour and we had had a good life with lots of adventures. This is exactly what I was hoping it would portray!
I find that if I keep busy I am fine but little things start me off. The one thing I had not thought of before is.... I am known as Nannie Camper to the grandchildren but because I don't drive, the camper will be sold. The 9 year old said I cannot be known as Nannie Camper anymore but has given me the title of Nannie gardener!! Doesn't roll off the tongue so well but guess I will get used to it. He phoned this afternoon to ask if I can look after the sunflower he has just planted.......I am honoured! I hope I don't let him down.
This has been the longest week of my entire life, it seems as if Peter has been gone for a long long time not just a week. I suppose it is right really, we hadn't eaten together since Christmas, he couldn't stand the smell of cooking. We hadn't been out together since before Christmas either. I think I am still on the relief trip, relieved that he is at peace at long last. He was a larger than life character so I should have guessed he would put up a good fight. RIP Peter I love you so much!!!
Cherryl xxx
