Of all the worries I had when getting diagnosed with cancer, loosing my hair wasn't one of them. In a way, I felt quite empowered by it. Not sure why though. I'd made an appointment to have it short cut but ended up cancelling it when my oncologist told me I was starting chemo way sooner than I expected. My reasoning being there was no point spending money on a cut if it would falling out anyway in a matter of weeks.
It was just after my 2nd chemo session when I started shedding hair. I couldn't run my fingers through my hair or brush it without being covered. I decided to go for the short cut again, my reasoning being it would just make the transition easier and involve less vacuuming!! I'm so pleased my friend came with me because as soon as I stepped inside the salon, I became so emotional. It's one thing sitting and planning things in your head, but when you actually do them for real, the emotions all come flooding out. I feel so privileged to have been looked after by an amazing hairdresser called Liane. With my friend holding my hand, we explained why I wanted my hair cutting short. She made me feel so comfortable and safe, and even at times when I got upset, she hugged me and we cried together. I left with a funky new do feeling great.
The following day I slipped into the chemo hangover and spent the day in bed. The hair also started coming out in clumps. I had a receding hairline! I took a video to send to my brother and sister - showing off my new bald patches! I told them that I thought the time had come to just go at it with the clippers, brave the shave as they say. So the hubby put the clippers on charge and the kids got excited about getting to shave Mum's head the next day. I decided to share the video on my Facebook page to see if we could raise £50 by the following morning for Macmillan. Well, I was totally blown away by the generosity of everyone when the £50 target was exceeded within a matter of minutes.
Whilst the messages of support I received were amazing, this was the point that I couldn't keep holding it together anymore. I had a big emotional wobble for a good few days. That combined with finally losing all the hair floored me. There's only so long you can keep the warrior façade up before reality steps in. However, I'm back on form and come to grips with the bald head. It feels weird and every time I walk past a mirror I think Matt Lucas is looking back at me, but I'm getting used to it. 
