So, I'm back with my 2nd post. A lot in my life changed on this day a year ago and things are still changing now...
The Then - Having found a lump in my breast 8 days previously, 20/4/20 was my first medical appointment. I had rung a few days before and explained to the receptionist what I had found and she had arranged for me to see a nurse. I obviously still had my kids at home, doing their home learning and they had no idea where I was going or why. I can't actually remember how I explained to them where I was going - I must have come up with something as it would have been odd for me to just go out, considering it was April 2020!! I do remember that I turned off the app on my phone so that they couldn't see where I was! 
Going to the doctor's surgery was just weird - I couldn't remember the last time I had been there - I don't tend to go unless it's absolutely necessary. I think, that although I knew what what growing in my breast, I still tried to adopt the attitude that I just needed to get it checked out and they'd tell me it was something perfectly regular like some kind of cyst or something that needed next to no treatment and all would be well. That was a scenario which was still very possible....wasn't it?!
I took off my top, lay on the bed and the nurse felt the same thing that I did. She said she would refer me to the breast clinic at the local hospital. She said they would need to look further and do some tests. She said she didn't think it was a cyst. She said it would be about 2 weeks before my appointment at the breast clinic. I said 'thank you'. I left.
Wow. It's really only now, looking back that I can see that it was at that point that I was absorbed into the system and suddenly 'other' people, 'medical, professional' people knew my secret and they weren't going to let it be ignored. This was a good thing and really needed to happen. All I had to do now was wait - 2weeks until my next medical appointment.
The Now - struggling a little bit to be honest. One of the reasons for starting this blog was that I thought it would be a bit of an outlet for feelings and emotions that I don't think I properly felt and acknowledged a year ago. I don't know, having only ever dealt with my own cancer during a pandemic, but I imagine it would be easier (not easy), if you could see your friends and family, if you could get a hug, if you could have someone look after your kids so that you could go our for dinner with your husband and freely talk through your fears without having to wait until gone midnight so that the kids are asleep and don't hear you crying and get scared themselves. There really wasn't time or space to deal with all that this time last year. It was just about getting on with what needed getting on with. Making sure that my kids felt protected and safe and that they were actually doing their school work as well as making sure we had a lot of fun in the sun was what filled the days.
Funny, I find it alot easier to write the The Then part of this blog then the The Now bit.
Physically, my hair is growing back, I have eyelashes now and I'm even going to have to consider waxing and shaving and what-not soon!!!!! I got very used to the shaved head look, I was lucky as friends said that I had a good shaped head for the shaved look. I pretty much rocked it!!! 
Right now however, it's not a shaved head nor is it a short hair cut - it's kinda little boy at Nursery look. Not really my look of choice. I'm just going to have to wait and let it grow out. Quite excited to be able to try every length of hair and all sorts of hair styles.
I'm aching a bit under my left arm and around the outside of my left breast - this is all around where I had surgery. It's the same feeling as after you've done a load of exercising and your muscles are aching - you just want to stretch them out. It feels just like that but doesn't go away, My hot flushes are continuing, this is due to now being in the menopause which was brought on by chemo. It's a bit early (I'm 47) but it was going to happen anyway. Plus I'm now taking hormone blocking drugs which I think are adding to my body's inability to control it's own temperature. These drugs are also causing a bit of pain and discomfort in my joints. All sounds a bit negative I know but it is all quite manageable. Later this week, I'm going to the acupuncture clinic at The Royal Marsden, which I'm really looking forward to.- hoping it can help with some of the aches and pains as well as the hot flushes.
It didn't actually take 2 weeks to get my Breast Clinic appointment - it was on 29th April, so Thursday next week I'll be writing about my first really big medical appointment!!
