Abandoned by friends.

2 minute read time.

FormerMember

29 Aug 2010

HI all,

This is the 1st time i have written on this site, it just feels i have no where else to turn lately and i feel i am losing my mind more and more.

I was diagnosed end of april 2010 with breast cancer and too be honest it still hasnt fully sunk in!

In the beginning when i told people i have been diagnosed with cancer i was bomborded with texts etc no actual visits,except one friend who promised to be there through my journey, she came to appointments visited me in hospital for the 1st few weeks then just stopped, after that she started complaining and making nasty comments that it was all about me and this cancer thing is boring, and she no longer thinks about it she has more important things to think about!

I have never asked of anyone to do anything for me infact all my friends have been through some drama or another before i was diagnosed and i made sure i was there 24/7 for them always called them visited to check there ok and there late night phone calls of them telling me there problems.

But now i need them they do there upmost to make sure there busy so not to see me or take any calls, or i get come visit me if you like when they know full well im ill and unable to drive.

These are supposed to be my closest friends and we spoke daily now i never get a call On an odd occasion i got one, all my friend did was cut me off when i was talking and was going on about the sillyist thing bothering her, she is very materialistic and coming across as self centred which i never noticed before.

I have no one else to confide in and im generally a private person so the thought of attending help groups i just cant face right now.

I have just finished chemo, still on herceptin and have got mastectomy and radio next.

I just dont know whats going on in mind anymore, i see no one, and too be honest its hard to think positive. its sounds bad but i have basically spent weeks in my room drinking and smoking trying to block everything out.

I just feel theres nothing to look forward too and i dont know if i can do this on my own, i understand it might be hard 4 my friends to know what to say to me but i thought we were so close before and we could tell each other anything and it has kind of shocked me that the little things in there life are more important to them than what i am going through.

I have spoken to them and explained i feel alone and scared and the one who promised to be with me has responded by not contacting me for a month.

They know im am really struggling but choose to ignore me,they just make me feel worthless and no one would miss me if im gone.

Im sorry this is so long i just dont know what to do.

FormerMember over 14 years ago

I'm sorry you find your friends can't come through for you at a time when you need them. Glad you've found this site. People here genuinely do care and will support you. It's a good place to get things off your chest with people who know and understand what you are going through. Ruth x
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Hey bother us all you like, we've all been where you are at some point or another. For me, having a brain tumour and having gotten through the surgery, rt and chemo and now being scanned every 6 months, my in-laws are telling people I am getting better now. I have learned to smile and laugh, because I will NOT get better, its just a matter of time before it comes back and gets me - FACT! None of my friends understand it, they all think along the lines of my inlaws (which would be fab if it was true eh) and I tend not to bother telling them anymore!

Family and friends do not like to see us suffer (unless you have particular weird family & friends) but they also can find it overwhelming, suffocating and all consuming....and downright bloody scary too. People would rather say nothing than say the wrong thing. Its the same way when someone loses a partner/family member, people are scared of putting their foot in their mouth so to speak, so may say nothing. None of this reflects how they really feel about you.

So now you are here and as you can see, you have already amassed a small army of cyber supporters.

Love & Strength

Debs xx
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Hi lonelyangel and welcome to the site. I too second everyone's thoughts about how you are feeling above. I had breast cancer in 2007, left mastectomy, axillary clearance, 1 dose of chemo as nearly died from infection after infection, then radio, then herceptin for year. I'm still here. Sometimes cancer is so scary to people they don't want to face it - your friends meant a lot to you before but right now please don't be angry with them - we all deal with cancer in our own way - they have chosen to ignore you maybe because they are too shocked and feel helpless as to what to do - its easier to turn their backs. Are they quite young? Anway, on here you can focus on you and hopefully get your feelings on here however mixed up they may be to you right now - once they are laid out we can read them and help you make sense of what is happening as its probably happened to one of us. Focus on yourself girl. Do you have a dog? If you are feeling frightened to go out maybe a little dog will spur you on to care for it. Don't let cancer take your life over, live with it for now and each day try to find something positive to make you smile, laugh or just feel okay. Once again, please don't make a decision regarding your friends right now as you are in an emotional phase. When you come through this you will see much more clearly what/why things went the way they did. You will also be able to reassess your friendships and wonder whether you want or dont want them. It sounds like you were the main carer in your group so now that you are ill they will probably feel frightened - its easier to turn away than face the fact that the person they relied upon now needs them. Anyway, I'm going on too much now so welcome to the site, keep writing, we'll listen and you will come through this. Ann x
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

All I will say is HELLO MY NEW MATE, you now have some of the best friends you will have..love Carol x
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Hi thanx again for all your replys, i do understand they are scared i just dont know why if they are finding it hard why wont they tell me i have know these friends 20 odd yrs they are late 30s so not really young, but the way there responding just feels to me they just dont care, 2 friends tex me 2day 1 complained of a hangover and tex for symphathy, the other asked me 2 watch her children, i have not heard from these ppl for weeks!!!

I replied im having bad side effects.....the reply was WAT? LOL OK TAKE CARE...........

regarding above message i do have a dog but its elderley and too be honest i cant even risk walking alone as i get breathless after 5mins.....times like that could have done with the friends as i suggested to them mths ago would be nice to get out and get fresh air sometimes but no offers.

But anyway today i woke up abit more positive after all ur replys and i hope i can keep it that way, im not going to be bitter, iv got alot of appointmens coming up and i think thats been getting to me stewing about it on my own and wondering why they havent asked.

But ur all right i have to try concertrating on myself.xx
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